This past holiday season - Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years - has been life-changing and a fitting crescendo to 2011.
I have often referred to Impact195 as the second best decision I have ever made and that statement still applies.
In Impact I have grown closer to the Lord and I have the joy of knowing His love through the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ. This love - from God, to God, to others, from others - is the single most important concept we can comprehend.
He made us to love us. He is the Ultimate Creator and it is in His likeness that we are made - as creators. I am made to create, design, perform. Tell stories. Write.
In Impact we are encouraged to journal. This is something I used to do during my most prolific writing periods. Journaling and subsequent writing has always been a conversation with God. In the recent years I've lost sight of that - the voice my Father gave me.
The silence of this voice separated me from God and eventually decayed my desire to do what I was made to do - tell stories that bring glory to God!
To emulate my Father in heaven who wrote down everything in the most published love story ever written is - with my inert talents - all I want to do. Like a child who puts on his dad's shoes and plods around the house.
My creative core leads me - like water running downhill - to do what I know how to do and what I enjoy doing.
It is with a bittersweet heart that I suspend my enrollment in Impact 195 and this time and accept a project for the next several months.
In the industry side of what I do - one must accept work when it comes available and the potential for the work ahead of me is great. This is an opportunity I would never pass on - and it's been difficult coming to this conclusion exclusively because of Impact 195.
I know that this means that if I am to return to Impact that I will need to start at the beginning again - and I agree that is best.
Impact 195 has presented only the absolute truth through God's word during my time enrolled and I know of no ministry better blessed and poised to change the world. I love everyone at Impact and thank God for them.
Ultimately I need to return to what I do - tell stories. This time with deeper resolve to keep Christ at the center of all I do - tell stories.
The time has come to transform the Journaling into writing - my first love - emulating my Father, telling stories.
If this decision is not of The Lord then I look forward to His correction. His Will is perfect in every way and works to His glory!
I welcome and thank you for your prayers. I am happy to be your brother in Christ and for the eternity we will spend together face to face with Him!
Do not look on this as bad news. For there can be no bad news - because Jesus is on the throne!!!
Agape,
Benjamin
Monday, January 23, 2012
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Extremely Tired Yet Blessed.
The title says it all. I wouldn't be so tired had I not gone to my cousin's house today and helped in their backyard landscaping. Not complaining at all. In fact I'm happy to have helped. it's good to work with dirt. It's what God made man to do.
Genesis 2:15 - The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. [NIV]
Also...
Proverbs 12:11 - He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgement. [NIV]
Fantasies. Wow. Film is fantasy. Hollywood in particular. At this moment in time I am repulsed that I ever sought that hopeless, desperate meaningless existence.
A lot has happened since my last blog entry. It's hard to keep up and I'm getting so busy that I'm forgetting what is important. It IS important that I keep you updated on the goings on of my life while I am in this time of renewal with the Lord.
Joining Impact195 was, is and will be the second best decision I have ever made for my own life. If you are in need, want, desperation, loneliness, any sort of shortcoming the absolute best thing you can do is to pray and submit yourself to the Lord God, Creator of all things. He is the only source of good in existence anywhere.
Amazing that He, knowing that we humans were going to make the simple mistake of sinning - that we would eat that fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil - had a plan from the very beginning.
In the beginning...
John 1:1 - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the word was God.
The beginning - Genesis.
Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
He made this world and in it a garden. He created through mere speech every living thing except man. Man was formed by God out of clay - a sculpture, a piece of art. And God breathed life into man and here we are - alive still to this day with a natural desire to serve, seek and know our creator.
Yet we are flawed. Rather than to eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life which sustains us everlasting, we were deceived and chose the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. This fruit which we thought would make us like God, and thus so holy that we would not need Him, actually separated us from Him and we are exposed.
This isn't about Eve eating the fruit. This is a stark reality about you and me in our daily walk. The truth is we are constant, daily sinners. We are as dumb as the dirt from which we are formed. No better.
If we were any better than we could go ahead and eat that fruit from the Tree of Life. We could, at any given moment, forgive ourselves of our sins and forever redeem ourselves.
Romans 4:2 - If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about - but not before God. [NIV]
Then...
Romans 4:4-5 - Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. [NIV]
We can't possibly save ourselves from condemnation. We are all amazingly horrible sinners. I am. I could blog about all the horrible, evil, selfish things I have done. But what would the the point? I'm just like you, dear reader. In need.
Yet still, despite me and my sins God sees me as righteous and holy and worthy of His love. Isn't that amazing?
Romans 3:21-24 - But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the law and the prophets testify. This righteousness comes thought faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. [NIV]
Wow. I couldn't do anything to help myself even if I wanted to. I am powerless. I am futile and pointless. God, alone, is capable of redeeming me, saving me, loving me - and He alone gave me breath. His breath.
I'm an deeply sorry if you have ever known me to have bad breath. That was all me. Not God in me. Not Christ in me. Not His Holy Spirit who resides in me and directs my thoughts and actions when I am obedient.
If He loves us this much - imagine what He wants to do with us! Imagine the places He wants to take us and the experiences he wants us to have in His name and for His Glory!?!!
See now why I say that joining Impact 195 has been the second best decision of my life? I am coming into a deeper understanding of the Lord God - Creator of all things yet intimate lover of my soul.
Everything aside from submission to Him is futile and useless. So what're you going to do about it right now?
Genesis 2:15 - The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. [NIV]
Also...
Proverbs 12:11 - He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgement. [NIV]
Fantasies. Wow. Film is fantasy. Hollywood in particular. At this moment in time I am repulsed that I ever sought that hopeless, desperate meaningless existence.
A lot has happened since my last blog entry. It's hard to keep up and I'm getting so busy that I'm forgetting what is important. It IS important that I keep you updated on the goings on of my life while I am in this time of renewal with the Lord.
Joining Impact195 was, is and will be the second best decision I have ever made for my own life. If you are in need, want, desperation, loneliness, any sort of shortcoming the absolute best thing you can do is to pray and submit yourself to the Lord God, Creator of all things. He is the only source of good in existence anywhere.
Amazing that He, knowing that we humans were going to make the simple mistake of sinning - that we would eat that fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil - had a plan from the very beginning.
In the beginning...
John 1:1 - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the word was God.
The beginning - Genesis.
Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
He made this world and in it a garden. He created through mere speech every living thing except man. Man was formed by God out of clay - a sculpture, a piece of art. And God breathed life into man and here we are - alive still to this day with a natural desire to serve, seek and know our creator.
Yet we are flawed. Rather than to eat of the fruit of the Tree of Life which sustains us everlasting, we were deceived and chose the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. This fruit which we thought would make us like God, and thus so holy that we would not need Him, actually separated us from Him and we are exposed.
This isn't about Eve eating the fruit. This is a stark reality about you and me in our daily walk. The truth is we are constant, daily sinners. We are as dumb as the dirt from which we are formed. No better.
If we were any better than we could go ahead and eat that fruit from the Tree of Life. We could, at any given moment, forgive ourselves of our sins and forever redeem ourselves.
Romans 4:2 - If, in fact, Abraham was justified by works, he had something to boast about - but not before God. [NIV]
Then...
Romans 4:4-5 - Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. [NIV]
We can't possibly save ourselves from condemnation. We are all amazingly horrible sinners. I am. I could blog about all the horrible, evil, selfish things I have done. But what would the the point? I'm just like you, dear reader. In need.
Yet still, despite me and my sins God sees me as righteous and holy and worthy of His love. Isn't that amazing?
Romans 3:21-24 - But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the law and the prophets testify. This righteousness comes thought faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. [NIV]
Wow. I couldn't do anything to help myself even if I wanted to. I am powerless. I am futile and pointless. God, alone, is capable of redeeming me, saving me, loving me - and He alone gave me breath. His breath.
I'm an deeply sorry if you have ever known me to have bad breath. That was all me. Not God in me. Not Christ in me. Not His Holy Spirit who resides in me and directs my thoughts and actions when I am obedient.
If He loves us this much - imagine what He wants to do with us! Imagine the places He wants to take us and the experiences he wants us to have in His name and for His Glory!?!!
See now why I say that joining Impact 195 has been the second best decision of my life? I am coming into a deeper understanding of the Lord God - Creator of all things yet intimate lover of my soul.
Everything aside from submission to Him is futile and useless. So what're you going to do about it right now?
Thursday, October 6, 2011
It's Been A Week...
I was thinking I would write the entire saga of Eugene The Jeep and one day perhaps I will. There is a lot to write and not enough hours in the day to get everything done. Impact195 does have homework, and not having a vehicle has really impaired my schedule and my ability to continue to find work. Yet, God is faithful.
The short version is my Jeep is currently in the dealer right now for the forth time since late July. The dealer I purchased it from - which shall remain nameless yet is the only Chrysler dealer in my Texas hometown - simply tried to sell me a new car rather than repair this one which is barely two years in my care. I also will not be purchasing another product from Chrysler - not because the Jeep failed on me, but because of their customer service and lack of interest at every level in doing anything about it. In short - an inferior product with horrible inner-company communication and impersonally indifferent customer service is exactly why that company had to use your tax dollars to keep from going out of business. Truth is, they deserved to go out of business. And that's all I have to say about that.
The lack of a vehicle has kept me from being able to stay in my rented room out at the Brotel. It's so far out and no one out there has the same schedule as me. So I have been crashing on my cousin's sofa, which I perceive as a huge inconvenience to their family. Even if they say it's not.
Frustrations upon frustrations when I discovered that AT&T (the company who probably trained Chrysler in inner-company communications and customer service) had over-charged me $400 on my bill this month, after having cut the bill down last month from another set of $400 over-charges. If this happens again I will quit AT&T and go to Sprint now that (as of about ten hours from the moment of this writing) they will start selling the iPhone. After an hour on the phone with their customer service I got that straightened out.
Another couple of calls to the dealership, then Jeep, then my mother - who God used to test my patience and humility* - and all I wanted to do was get out of the house. It was raining.
It rains in San Diego apparently. Two or three times a year maybe? Everyone here starts waving their arms around and screaming The sky is falling!!! Wimps. I don't want to get soft like these San Diegans - subject to such good weather most of the time that when something does fall out of the sky they panic. I crave a big Texas thunderstorm.
Steve Jobs died. Not that I knew him personally, but immediately I was struck with his mortality and that for all the accomplishments and brilliance we praise Jobs for on earth, what has it gained him where he is now? This was a bummer - an eternal bummer.
Last night I reached maximum grump for a few additional reasons that I wont go into here because, well, it isn't any of your business. But I did not react as well as I could have. God was working on me.
Then I get a text message from one of my Impact195 "family" members, Richard. He tells me that one of our sisters in our family group is having a bad night, and my first reaction was Me too. Wow - how selfish of me.
In our Servant Leadership class recently we have been addressing both pride and humility. Pride is the block between us and God. Humility is the opposite - the conduit to being able to interpret His Word as His Will for our lives, listen for His voice and grow close to Him.
Philippians 2: 5-8
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: [6] Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; [7] rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. [8] And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross! [NIV]
Jesus - in His humility became a human being - station very very very very very far beneath God, the perfect and permanent Creator of All Things. He actually became the created. Not just in flesh, but in status. Jesus departed from Heaven for this pitiful earth. Jesus was equal with God and could have done anything He wanted, but He didn't. Instead, he submitted Himself to humanity as a servant, and as a sacrifice. He died to carry sin. My sin. Your sin.
He was the most absolutely perfect human being yet He - because of humility (the absence of pride) - took on our sins, and the sins of every single murderer, rapist, child-molester, thief, liar, and politician. Your sins and their sins and my sins, all combined together and put on the only absolutely perfect, divine human being ever.
I killed Him. So did those murderers, rapists, child-molesters, thieves, liars and you.
And if you think you're any different than them, that's pride - the inhibitor that keeps us from God.
*I failed
The short version is my Jeep is currently in the dealer right now for the forth time since late July. The dealer I purchased it from - which shall remain nameless yet is the only Chrysler dealer in my Texas hometown - simply tried to sell me a new car rather than repair this one which is barely two years in my care. I also will not be purchasing another product from Chrysler - not because the Jeep failed on me, but because of their customer service and lack of interest at every level in doing anything about it. In short - an inferior product with horrible inner-company communication and impersonally indifferent customer service is exactly why that company had to use your tax dollars to keep from going out of business. Truth is, they deserved to go out of business. And that's all I have to say about that.
*not my actual Jeep, but it's how I felt
and I am upside down in it.
The lack of a vehicle has kept me from being able to stay in my rented room out at the Brotel. It's so far out and no one out there has the same schedule as me. So I have been crashing on my cousin's sofa, which I perceive as a huge inconvenience to their family. Even if they say it's not.
Frustrations upon frustrations when I discovered that AT&T (the company who probably trained Chrysler in inner-company communications and customer service) had over-charged me $400 on my bill this month, after having cut the bill down last month from another set of $400 over-charges. If this happens again I will quit AT&T and go to Sprint now that (as of about ten hours from the moment of this writing) they will start selling the iPhone. After an hour on the phone with their customer service I got that straightened out.
Another couple of calls to the dealership, then Jeep, then my mother - who God used to test my patience and humility* - and all I wanted to do was get out of the house. It was raining.
It rains in San Diego apparently. Two or three times a year maybe? Everyone here starts waving their arms around and screaming The sky is falling!!! Wimps. I don't want to get soft like these San Diegans - subject to such good weather most of the time that when something does fall out of the sky they panic. I crave a big Texas thunderstorm.
Steve Jobs died. Not that I knew him personally, but immediately I was struck with his mortality and that for all the accomplishments and brilliance we praise Jobs for on earth, what has it gained him where he is now? This was a bummer - an eternal bummer.
Last night I reached maximum grump for a few additional reasons that I wont go into here because, well, it isn't any of your business. But I did not react as well as I could have. God was working on me.
Then I get a text message from one of my Impact195 "family" members, Richard. He tells me that one of our sisters in our family group is having a bad night, and my first reaction was Me too. Wow - how selfish of me.
In our Servant Leadership class recently we have been addressing both pride and humility. Pride is the block between us and God. Humility is the opposite - the conduit to being able to interpret His Word as His Will for our lives, listen for His voice and grow close to Him.
Philippians 2: 5-8
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: [6] Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; [7] rather he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. [8] And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross! [NIV]
Jesus - in His humility became a human being - station very very very very very far beneath God, the perfect and permanent Creator of All Things. He actually became the created. Not just in flesh, but in status. Jesus departed from Heaven for this pitiful earth. Jesus was equal with God and could have done anything He wanted, but He didn't. Instead, he submitted Himself to humanity as a servant, and as a sacrifice. He died to carry sin. My sin. Your sin.
He was the most absolutely perfect human being yet He - because of humility (the absence of pride) - took on our sins, and the sins of every single murderer, rapist, child-molester, thief, liar, and politician. Your sins and their sins and my sins, all combined together and put on the only absolutely perfect, divine human being ever.
Be humble. Jesus was.
I killed Him. So did those murderers, rapists, child-molesters, thieves, liars and you.
And if you think you're any different than them, that's pride - the inhibitor that keeps us from God.
*I failed
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
This week's memory verses.
I thought I'd post the memory verses we are challenged to memorize each week. This will not only help me remember them but perhaps encourage and enlighten you as well. All scripture from NKJV.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; live does not parade itself; is not puffed up; does not behave rudely; does not seek it's own; is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never fails.
Proverbs 4:23
Keep your heart with all diligence,
for out of it spring the issues of life.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind!
Revelations 2:4-5
Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from it's place - unless you repent.
Well. Nope. It hasn't helped me memorize these verses at all. I guess I'll have to do this the reliable old fashioned way - study. Ahhh. Diligence.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; live does not parade itself; is not puffed up; does not behave rudely; does not seek it's own; is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never fails.
Proverbs 4:23
Keep your heart with all diligence,
for out of it spring the issues of life.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind!
Revelations 2:4-5
Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from it's place - unless you repent.
Well. Nope. It hasn't helped me memorize these verses at all. I guess I'll have to do this the reliable old fashioned way - study. Ahhh. Diligence.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Unexpected Blessing
I don't have a great plethora* of information to impart to you today - dear reader. What I do have is an encouraging event that confirmed God's amazing mercy.
This morning I left the Brotel early with housemate Steve. He dropped me off to Impact195 on his way about his business for the day. This put me there at about 7:30 this morning. No cars were there yet so I walked around to the back of the building, chose a perch and took up with my memory verses.
A bit after 8AM the media dude - Dan - strolled up and we chatted on our walk around to the front door. I let him know what I do and that I am looking for a job. If that's all that happened today I would have felt good about the day, but it's not.
I went into the cafe and started to write on something that has been gestating inside me. This is something I will share with you when the time is right. Then my Wilderness Family started to arrive. Karina - who may be the only person who knows what I could be typing on. Richard and Ashley invited me to go into the chapel and pray with them. I did. I prayed nothing but thanks to the Lord. Thanks for His jeep which He has bestowed to me and put in my care - which is currently in the shop. Thanks for Steve who went a bit out of his way to drop me off at Impact. Thanks for this family who invite me and encourage me to pray.
After we prayed for a bit I went back to the cafe to gather my things and put them in the big classroom. On the way back down the hall the school treasurer, or CFO, or...whatever she does has to do with money - Debbie - caught me.
She delivered the amazing news that someone - this morning - had paid the remainder of my tuition for this term. The remaining balance on my lessons at Impact195 for the rest of 2011. Thank God! I think that's all I could say. It's all I remember saying. It was His money in the first place, but Thank God for having an obedient servant with a heart to bless knucklehead me. Wow. Thank you.
I was so overwhelmed in thanks to God that I completely forgot to ask her who made this sacrifice. I don't think she would have told me anyway. She hadn't offered the information. It was just, amazing.
Worship started and I went in the big classroom and jumped right into an open heart of worship. God had blessed me. Then I looked up and saw Richard walking toward me - tears in his eyes, a smile on his face. My Wilderness Brother. He came up to me and hugged me - I knew that he had received similar news by his demeanor. We just stood there and hugged and thanked God.
It wasn't until the end of the day that I discovered that our Wilderness Sister, Melanie (who is Canadian, yet speaks almost perfect English), was also blessed with having her term tuition paid up.
How amazing that God put this on the heart of someone who cares and is wanting to be obedient to His Will. What fantastic news! How precious that the same Creator of all things planned out a day for someone to give a few hundred dollars to speak to me.
Now the responsibility of next term's finances moves up to bat. I see how the Lord has been faithful to provide in this, and it brings me comfort in his amazing mercy and perfect grace. I am reminded that while I need to be diligent about finding a job, I mustn't let worry overcome me.
I have one job. To be obedient to God. The great and merciful God.
*Ci, El Guapo - I would say you have a plethora of pintas.
This morning I left the Brotel early with housemate Steve. He dropped me off to Impact195 on his way about his business for the day. This put me there at about 7:30 this morning. No cars were there yet so I walked around to the back of the building, chose a perch and took up with my memory verses.
A bit after 8AM the media dude - Dan - strolled up and we chatted on our walk around to the front door. I let him know what I do and that I am looking for a job. If that's all that happened today I would have felt good about the day, but it's not.
I went into the cafe and started to write on something that has been gestating inside me. This is something I will share with you when the time is right. Then my Wilderness Family started to arrive. Karina - who may be the only person who knows what I could be typing on. Richard and Ashley invited me to go into the chapel and pray with them. I did. I prayed nothing but thanks to the Lord. Thanks for His jeep which He has bestowed to me and put in my care - which is currently in the shop. Thanks for Steve who went a bit out of his way to drop me off at Impact. Thanks for this family who invite me and encourage me to pray.
After we prayed for a bit I went back to the cafe to gather my things and put them in the big classroom. On the way back down the hall the school treasurer, or CFO, or...whatever she does has to do with money - Debbie - caught me.
She delivered the amazing news that someone - this morning - had paid the remainder of my tuition for this term. The remaining balance on my lessons at Impact195 for the rest of 2011. Thank God! I think that's all I could say. It's all I remember saying. It was His money in the first place, but Thank God for having an obedient servant with a heart to bless knucklehead me. Wow. Thank you.
I was so overwhelmed in thanks to God that I completely forgot to ask her who made this sacrifice. I don't think she would have told me anyway. She hadn't offered the information. It was just, amazing.
Worship started and I went in the big classroom and jumped right into an open heart of worship. God had blessed me. Then I looked up and saw Richard walking toward me - tears in his eyes, a smile on his face. My Wilderness Brother. He came up to me and hugged me - I knew that he had received similar news by his demeanor. We just stood there and hugged and thanked God.
It wasn't until the end of the day that I discovered that our Wilderness Sister, Melanie (who is Canadian, yet speaks almost perfect English), was also blessed with having her term tuition paid up.
How amazing that God put this on the heart of someone who cares and is wanting to be obedient to His Will. What fantastic news! How precious that the same Creator of all things planned out a day for someone to give a few hundred dollars to speak to me.
Now the responsibility of next term's finances moves up to bat. I see how the Lord has been faithful to provide in this, and it brings me comfort in his amazing mercy and perfect grace. I am reminded that while I need to be diligent about finding a job, I mustn't let worry overcome me.
I have one job. To be obedient to God. The great and merciful God.
*Ci, El Guapo - I would say you have a plethora of pintas.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Wilderness T-Shirt
I'm designing T-shirts. The first one legitimately for sale through my online Zazzle shop is in reference to the Impact195 1st John Wilderness Trip to Catalina Island. This design features the word LOVE, with the O being a compass at the center of a cross. In the compass is a Catalina buffalo. The text reminds us that we are to Love God and Love Each Other.
When you purchase a shirt off Malchus.net the royalty made off the shirt goes toward the ministry education I am receiving here in San Diego. It is not the most efficient way to give, but it's a fun way for me to use my talents, and hopefully bless you with a cool t-shirt.
There will be more t-shirts and designs coming as I learn more in Impact195 during this season. Be sure to check back frequently to see what God is doing in my life and the lives of my classmates. Above everything
else I ask that you would pray for us all in this time of obedience and learning.
When you purchase a shirt off Malchus.net the royalty made off the shirt goes toward the ministry education I am receiving here in San Diego. It is not the most efficient way to give, but it's a fun way for me to use my talents, and hopefully bless you with a cool t-shirt.
There will be more t-shirts and designs coming as I learn more in Impact195 during this season. Be sure to check back frequently to see what God is doing in my life and the lives of my classmates. Above everything
else I ask that you would pray for us all in this time of obedience and learning.
Wilderness Recap
We first term students of Impact195 returned from our 1 John Wilderness Trip on Thursday night, as scheduled. I have since debated as to how to write everything that happened on the trip for you - my reader. A lot happened. A lot more than I expected. After a couple of days of telling the stories to my cousins here in San Diego and skyping with my family back in Texas I think I'm now able to sum up the experience into a pithy submission.
Saturday (09/17/11) I awoke at 4:00AM to ride with my housemates Caleb and Steve to the Impact campus. Caleb was going as a mentor on the trip and had to arrive early for a meeting at 5AM. So I was early arriving. First student to arrive, actually.
By 6AM the other students had arrived and everything, everywhere was a buzz of activity. We were on the bus by 7AM cheered on by term 2 and 3 students, alumni and staff. There was more enthusiasm and cheering than at an Apple Store meeting. I didn't have a watch and had no idea of time from that moment on for the rest of the trip.
We arrived at the Catalina Ferry Terminal and waited a bit in our family groups before boarding the boat that took us to Two Harbors. That night we camped above the harbor where we could hear the waves crashing against the rocks. My tent-mate, Josh, threatened to punch me if I snored. I snored. Fortunately he refrained from following through on his threat.
The next day - Sunday - we had a seven mile hike and - without going into any of my family-group's details - the walls started crumbling down. We saw that morning, even before lunch, what a challenge this was going to be. Not just the hiking and physical strain, but the challenge of having to trust one another, get to know each other and trust each other beyond what I think any of us would presume to be a reasonably comfortable level for a group of strangers. The view from the top of the first peak was tremendous.
We continued, now downhill and westerly away from the basic civilization of Two Harbors. We began to encounter more significant signs of nature - mainly buffalo droppings. We saw a few that day during our walk to Little Harbor on the west side of the island. That night we had the second night of study in 1 John around the campfire, led by Impact instructor and our family leader, Cisco.
In our small groups we were challenged to consider what we have in our lives as a stumbling block, keeping us from fully worshiping and obeying God's Word and Will for us. We wrote down our stumbling block and threw it in the campfire, sharing with one another. I was comfortable sharing with these people, though I barely knew them. We'd all come from different backgrounds and from different places - yet in one day of hiking we knew that we have a history of being a sinner in common.
The next morning we woke early and stretched out. Another long hike was ahead of us, but this one was almost entirely uphill. Our destination was Blackjack Campsite. (alternate, perhaps more enlightening link for Blackjack)
Blackjack was what the alumni of the 1 John Wilderness Trip had all mentioned to us newbies in foreboding tones. "Just you wait until Blackjack" or "Good luck" or such. It was a difficult climb. Especially the last bit where I think I slipped into some dehydrated delirium. The hike took most of the day and I drank all my water along the trail and really put off accepting water from my family - they would need it too.
And then I died.
No. I didn't die. If I had died then wow - I'd be in heaven and praising God right now to His face! Unfortunately I lived and am in my bunk-bed in El Cajon.
As we neared the peak of the mountain that is home to Blackjack camp another Impact family group of guys suddenly appeared on the trail ahead of us, running at us, yelling and cheering, waving us on and gleefully coming to relieve us of our heavy backpacks. This was so encouraging to me that I actually refused to give mine up, something that God convicted me of later on the trip. I was greeted by Alex, an 18 year old who transplanted himself from Virginia to San Diego for Impact195. When I refused to let him take my bag he took my arm and prayed for me.
Finally we made it into Blackjack camp where I was able to drink some amazingly funky well water and recover from the long hot uphill hike. Josh and I set up our tent and we had dinner and prepared for our evening study in 1 John.
1 John is all about love. Basically - boils down to this: Once saved we are called to obey God. To obey God is to love Him through our actions. More specifically His commandments that He has given us in his Word. Thus, obeying His commandments is His Will for our lives.
Mark 12:28 - 31 - [28] One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" [29] "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. [30] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' [31] The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." [NIV]
That pretty much sums it up simply. The irony that I used a passage from Mark to describe what we learned in 1st John is not lost on me. This is the amazing truth behind the inspired, perfect Word of God. It supports itself - and is what anything we are confronted with in life should be checked against. If something is presented to us as having come "from God" and does is not supported by His Word, then it is definitely not His Will.
Through the teaching the next couple of nights there at Blackjack I became convicted of a few things. Mainly the way I have treated people in my life. You all love me, and I have been arrogant, selfish, bull-headed, stubborn and a heavy brute. What I have considered my own intelligence has been a filter through which I have diminished your care and love for me - as my friend, as my family, as my brother or sister in Christ. I have refused both your love and His love for me.
I'm not talking about salvation. I've been saved for most of my life and that has never been in question. I have no refused Christ's salvation. I have refused what comes next - His love. His grace, compassion, care and amazing mercy. I have continued to sin and even without my knowing it live a sinful life. It is impossible to walk with God and continue to live in sin. Praise Him for revealing this to me. Even my own arrogant and prideful thinking from the very day.
At Blackjack campsite we - as a family group - broke down the walls that kept us from loving on each other, and receiving love - Agape Love. His love. Once coming in contact with the true, never-ending amazing nature of His perfect love we were then able to love on each other the way He designed us to. For me, the first time I have ever been able to love someone with a love stronger and deeper than I thought possible. A love that gives without any expectation of receiving.
1 John 3:11 - For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. [NIV]
The Amazing Creator of all things showed me how much He loves me, on the top of that mountain, on that island off the coast of California. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Lord! What an amazing time! I could not wait to get off that island and back to my phone so that I could call my parents and apologize for years of being...well, being me. Raising me, I'm sure, has been frustrating. A friend of mine once asked my mother how she survived birthing such an enormous ego. My friend was not far off.
Now I am praying that God continues to convict me of myself, my attitude. The things that I put first before His love and His Word which commands that I love Him and love others first and foremost. Above all things. We are all commanded to love - and if we love Him then we will be obedient and the command wont be a chore - it will be what we live for. That's where I want to be the rest of my days on earth. I want to be obedient and to show His love and worship Him through loving others.
On Wednesday (09/21/11) we were woken before dawn and taken out to spots along various trails and placed. This was our "solo day" - 12 hours of fasting, praying, our own study in His word, and silence. Being quiet. The concepts of this conviction were buzzing around my head like flies but they did not come into absolute until I had read some more random bits of the New Testament. When He convicted me it came down on me like a ton of bricks.
1 John 3:20 - If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything. [NIV]
There I was, alone with God, on a tarp, on the side of a mountain, on this island. He was speaking to me. Convicting me of things I needed to get out of my life. I cried. I prayed. I sobbed myself into a nap. I woke up with the early afternoon sun shining down on me. I woke up praising God for His mercy in this new revelation. Then I moved my tent from the sunshine to the shade of the tree I was anchored to.
I wanted to continue reading along in the New Testament. I actually wanted more conviction. I wanted to know more. I wanted God to reveal more to me. I fumbled about for something that I hadn't read before, or bits that I could remember being poinant. I wanted that conviction again. God wasn't having it. In His wisdom he led me to 1 Samuel.
So I read the first twenty chapters of 1 Samuel. This time not as a study but as a story. I read this praying that the Lord would reveal something new to me. I've read 1 Samuel before. About at the point where Saul is trying to pin David to the wall with a spear my mind wandered into prayer, and eventually I fell asleep again.
I don't dream. If I do dream I never remember it. This was no exception. Yet, while I was asleep the Amazing Creator reached down inside of me and changed something. I don't know what, exactly. Nothing physical, but something about my character, my person, my soul. Somewhere in that afternoon nap He seemed to tell me that He was preparing me for something. What He was not ready to reveal. But His purpose for me was absolutely on my mind while I slept. Something new began to grow.
"Ben" I heard a voice say. I bolted upright. "I am here, Lord" I thought to myself - The story of God speaking to Samuel was fresh on my mind. The caller wasn't God, but one of the Impact leaders who had come to fetch me. My twelve hours of alone time with the Lord was concluded.
The other Impact campers were gathered and brought back to Blackjack. We remained in silence until dinner when we started to share our experiences with God. It was amazing to see how God can have intense, personal life-changing communication with multiple people at once. We were asked to give our solo time a one-word description. Mine was "preparation" - He is preparing me for something of His perfect design.
I could go on with details of how we then got down the mountain and back into Avalon. The boat ride back to the Long Beach, and my first glimpse of the Queen Mary (I have got to go visit that ship sometime). Unfortunately it is late and my roommates are both in bed. I fear my typing is distracting to them and so to be loving I will conclude.
In closing - if there was a point of this time with Impact195 for me to quit, it would have been on this trip. Fortunately I listened to God, was and will continue to be obedient, and look forward to the coming months of growth in Him. Please continue to pray for me - I have bills coming up, no job, and my jeep has started acting up again (I'll post about that soon too - how God has used my jeep multiple times to shape my life).
I can honestly say that I love you all, and pray that you will be obedient to the Lord and know the blessings He has for you as well. Obedience to Him has been, for me, the best decision I have ever made outside of accepting His salvation.
*Photos courtesy my loving family member, Karina.
Saturday (09/17/11) I awoke at 4:00AM to ride with my housemates Caleb and Steve to the Impact campus. Caleb was going as a mentor on the trip and had to arrive early for a meeting at 5AM. So I was early arriving. First student to arrive, actually.
By 6AM the other students had arrived and everything, everywhere was a buzz of activity. We were on the bus by 7AM cheered on by term 2 and 3 students, alumni and staff. There was more enthusiasm and cheering than at an Apple Store meeting. I didn't have a watch and had no idea of time from that moment on for the rest of the trip.
We arrived at the Catalina Ferry Terminal and waited a bit in our family groups before boarding the boat that took us to Two Harbors. That night we camped above the harbor where we could hear the waves crashing against the rocks. My tent-mate, Josh, threatened to punch me if I snored. I snored. Fortunately he refrained from following through on his threat.
Camp site over Two Harbors at sunset.
I was not punched in my sleep.
The next day - Sunday - we had a seven mile hike and - without going into any of my family-group's details - the walls started crumbling down. We saw that morning, even before lunch, what a challenge this was going to be. Not just the hiking and physical strain, but the challenge of having to trust one another, get to know each other and trust each other beyond what I think any of us would presume to be a reasonably comfortable level for a group of strangers. The view from the top of the first peak was tremendous.
My Wilderness Family at our first summit.
We look happy because we had no idea what was ahead for us.
We continued, now downhill and westerly away from the basic civilization of Two Harbors. We began to encounter more significant signs of nature - mainly buffalo droppings. We saw a few that day during our walk to Little Harbor on the west side of the island. That night we had the second night of study in 1 John around the campfire, led by Impact instructor and our family leader, Cisco.
Little Harbor has good esteem and running water.
It'll never be a big harbor, but it's ok with that.
In our small groups we were challenged to consider what we have in our lives as a stumbling block, keeping us from fully worshiping and obeying God's Word and Will for us. We wrote down our stumbling block and threw it in the campfire, sharing with one another. I was comfortable sharing with these people, though I barely knew them. We'd all come from different backgrounds and from different places - yet in one day of hiking we knew that we have a history of being a sinner in common.
The next morning we woke early and stretched out. Another long hike was ahead of us, but this one was almost entirely uphill. Our destination was Blackjack Campsite. (alternate, perhaps more enlightening link for Blackjack)
This picture doesn't show how difficult the hike was.
And then I died.
Not my headstone. I am still alive.
No. I didn't die. If I had died then wow - I'd be in heaven and praising God right now to His face! Unfortunately I lived and am in my bunk-bed in El Cajon.
As we neared the peak of the mountain that is home to Blackjack camp another Impact family group of guys suddenly appeared on the trail ahead of us, running at us, yelling and cheering, waving us on and gleefully coming to relieve us of our heavy backpacks. This was so encouraging to me that I actually refused to give mine up, something that God convicted me of later on the trip. I was greeted by Alex, an 18 year old who transplanted himself from Virginia to San Diego for Impact195. When I refused to let him take my bag he took my arm and prayed for me.
The Blackjack campsite is difficult to reach, primitive, and remote.
Finally we made it into Blackjack camp where I was able to drink some amazingly funky well water and recover from the long hot uphill hike. Josh and I set up our tent and we had dinner and prepared for our evening study in 1 John.
1 John is all about love. Basically - boils down to this: Once saved we are called to obey God. To obey God is to love Him through our actions. More specifically His commandments that He has given us in his Word. Thus, obeying His commandments is His Will for our lives.
Mark 12:28 - 31 - [28] One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" [29] "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. [30] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' [31] The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." [NIV]
That pretty much sums it up simply. The irony that I used a passage from Mark to describe what we learned in 1st John is not lost on me. This is the amazing truth behind the inspired, perfect Word of God. It supports itself - and is what anything we are confronted with in life should be checked against. If something is presented to us as having come "from God" and does is not supported by His Word, then it is definitely not His Will.
Through the teaching the next couple of nights there at Blackjack I became convicted of a few things. Mainly the way I have treated people in my life. You all love me, and I have been arrogant, selfish, bull-headed, stubborn and a heavy brute. What I have considered my own intelligence has been a filter through which I have diminished your care and love for me - as my friend, as my family, as my brother or sister in Christ. I have refused both your love and His love for me.
I'm not talking about salvation. I've been saved for most of my life and that has never been in question. I have no refused Christ's salvation. I have refused what comes next - His love. His grace, compassion, care and amazing mercy. I have continued to sin and even without my knowing it live a sinful life. It is impossible to walk with God and continue to live in sin. Praise Him for revealing this to me. Even my own arrogant and prideful thinking from the very day.
Strangers called by God to this one mountain on this one island
to become family in His love.
At Blackjack campsite we - as a family group - broke down the walls that kept us from loving on each other, and receiving love - Agape Love. His love. Once coming in contact with the true, never-ending amazing nature of His perfect love we were then able to love on each other the way He designed us to. For me, the first time I have ever been able to love someone with a love stronger and deeper than I thought possible. A love that gives without any expectation of receiving.
1 John 3:11 - For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. [NIV]
The Amazing Creator of all things showed me how much He loves me, on the top of that mountain, on that island off the coast of California. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Lord! What an amazing time! I could not wait to get off that island and back to my phone so that I could call my parents and apologize for years of being...well, being me. Raising me, I'm sure, has been frustrating. A friend of mine once asked my mother how she survived birthing such an enormous ego. My friend was not far off.
Now I am praying that God continues to convict me of myself, my attitude. The things that I put first before His love and His Word which commands that I love Him and love others first and foremost. Above all things. We are all commanded to love - and if we love Him then we will be obedient and the command wont be a chore - it will be what we live for. That's where I want to be the rest of my days on earth. I want to be obedient and to show His love and worship Him through loving others.
The morning sunrise above the marine layer of clouds.
There was an amazing sense of isolation and solitude here.
On Wednesday (09/21/11) we were woken before dawn and taken out to spots along various trails and placed. This was our "solo day" - 12 hours of fasting, praying, our own study in His word, and silence. Being quiet. The concepts of this conviction were buzzing around my head like flies but they did not come into absolute until I had read some more random bits of the New Testament. When He convicted me it came down on me like a ton of bricks.
1 John 3:20 - If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything. [NIV]
There I was, alone with God, on a tarp, on the side of a mountain, on this island. He was speaking to me. Convicting me of things I needed to get out of my life. I cried. I prayed. I sobbed myself into a nap. I woke up with the early afternoon sun shining down on me. I woke up praising God for His mercy in this new revelation. Then I moved my tent from the sunshine to the shade of the tree I was anchored to.
I wanted to continue reading along in the New Testament. I actually wanted more conviction. I wanted to know more. I wanted God to reveal more to me. I fumbled about for something that I hadn't read before, or bits that I could remember being poinant. I wanted that conviction again. God wasn't having it. In His wisdom he led me to 1 Samuel.
So I read the first twenty chapters of 1 Samuel. This time not as a study but as a story. I read this praying that the Lord would reveal something new to me. I've read 1 Samuel before. About at the point where Saul is trying to pin David to the wall with a spear my mind wandered into prayer, and eventually I fell asleep again.
I don't dream. If I do dream I never remember it. This was no exception. Yet, while I was asleep the Amazing Creator reached down inside of me and changed something. I don't know what, exactly. Nothing physical, but something about my character, my person, my soul. Somewhere in that afternoon nap He seemed to tell me that He was preparing me for something. What He was not ready to reveal. But His purpose for me was absolutely on my mind while I slept. Something new began to grow.
"Ben" I heard a voice say. I bolted upright. "I am here, Lord" I thought to myself - The story of God speaking to Samuel was fresh on my mind. The caller wasn't God, but one of the Impact leaders who had come to fetch me. My twelve hours of alone time with the Lord was concluded.
The other Impact campers were gathered and brought back to Blackjack. We remained in silence until dinner when we started to share our experiences with God. It was amazing to see how God can have intense, personal life-changing communication with multiple people at once. We were asked to give our solo time a one-word description. Mine was "preparation" - He is preparing me for something of His perfect design.
My wilderness family. Friends for eternity.
I could go on with details of how we then got down the mountain and back into Avalon. The boat ride back to the Long Beach, and my first glimpse of the Queen Mary (I have got to go visit that ship sometime). Unfortunately it is late and my roommates are both in bed. I fear my typing is distracting to them and so to be loving I will conclude.
In closing - if there was a point of this time with Impact195 for me to quit, it would have been on this trip. Fortunately I listened to God, was and will continue to be obedient, and look forward to the coming months of growth in Him. Please continue to pray for me - I have bills coming up, no job, and my jeep has started acting up again (I'll post about that soon too - how God has used my jeep multiple times to shape my life).
Buffalo freely roam Catalina Island.
I can honestly say that I love you all, and pray that you will be obedient to the Lord and know the blessings He has for you as well. Obedience to Him has been, for me, the best decision I have ever made outside of accepting His salvation.
*Photos courtesy my loving family member, Karina.
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