Wilderness Recap

We first term students of Impact195 returned from our 1 John Wilderness Trip on Thursday night, as scheduled. I have since debated as to how to write everything that happened on the trip for you - my reader. A lot happened. A lot more than I expected. After a couple of days of telling the stories to my cousins here in San Diego and skyping with my family back in Texas I think I'm now able to sum up the experience into a pithy submission.

Saturday (09/17/11) I awoke at 4:00AM to ride with my housemates Caleb and Steve to the Impact campus. Caleb was going as a mentor on the trip and had to arrive early for a meeting at 5AM. So I was early arriving. First student to arrive, actually.

By 6AM the other students had arrived and everything, everywhere was a buzz of activity. We were on the bus by 7AM cheered on by term 2 and 3 students, alumni and staff. There was more enthusiasm and cheering than at an Apple Store meeting. I didn't have a watch and had no idea of time from that moment on for the rest of the trip.

We arrived at the Catalina Ferry Terminal and waited a bit in our family groups before boarding the boat that took us to Two Harbors. That night we camped above the harbor where we could hear the waves crashing against the rocks. My tent-mate, Josh, threatened to punch me if I snored. I snored. Fortunately he refrained from following through on his threat.

Camp site over Two Harbors at sunset.

I was not punched in my sleep.

The next day - Sunday - we had a seven mile hike and - without going into any of my family-group's details - the walls started crumbling down. We saw that morning, even before lunch, what a challenge this was going to be. Not just the hiking and physical strain, but the challenge of having to trust one another, get to know each other and trust each other beyond what I think any of us would presume to be a reasonably comfortable level for a group of strangers. The view from the top of the first peak was tremendous.

My Wilderness Family at our first summit.

We look happy because we had no idea what was ahead for us.

We continued, now downhill and westerly away from the basic civilization of Two Harbors. We began to encounter more significant signs of nature - mainly buffalo droppings. We saw a few that day during our walk to Little Harbor on the west side of the island. That night we had the second night of study in 1 John around the campfire, led by Impact instructor and our family leader, Cisco.

Little Harbor has good esteem and running water.

It'll never be a big harbor, but it's ok with that. 

In our small groups we were challenged to consider what we have in our lives as a stumbling block, keeping us from fully worshiping and obeying God's Word and Will for us. We wrote down our stumbling block and threw it in the campfire, sharing with one another. I was comfortable sharing with these people, though I barely knew them. We'd all come from different backgrounds and from different places - yet in one day of hiking we knew that we have a history of being a sinner in common.

The next morning we woke early and stretched out. Another long hike was ahead of us, but this one was almost entirely uphill. Our destination was Blackjack Campsite. (alternate, perhaps more enlightening link for Blackjack)

This picture doesn't show how difficult the hike was.

Blackjack was what the alumni of the 1 John Wilderness Trip had all mentioned to us newbies in foreboding tones. "Just you wait until Blackjack" or "Good luck" or such. It was a difficult climb. Especially the last bit where I think I slipped into some dehydrated delirium. The hike took most of the day and I drank all my water along the trail and really put off accepting water from my family - they would need it too.

And then I died.

Not my headstone. I am still alive.

No. I didn't die. If I had died then wow - I'd be in heaven and praising God right now to His face! Unfortunately I lived and am in my bunk-bed in El Cajon.

As we neared the peak of the mountain that is home to Blackjack camp another Impact family group of guys suddenly appeared on the trail ahead of us, running at us, yelling and cheering, waving us on and gleefully coming to relieve us of our heavy backpacks. This was so encouraging to me that I actually refused to give mine up, something that God convicted me of later on the trip. I was greeted by Alex, an 18 year old who transplanted himself from Virginia to San Diego for Impact195. When I refused to let him take my bag he took my arm and prayed for me.

The Blackjack campsite is difficult to reach, primitive, and remote.

Finally we made it into Blackjack camp where I was able to drink some amazingly funky well water and recover from the long hot uphill hike. Josh and I set up our tent and we had dinner and prepared for our evening study in 1 John.

1 John is all about love. Basically - boils down to this: Once saved we are called to obey God. To obey God is to love Him through our actions. More specifically His commandments that He has given us in his Word. Thus, obeying His commandments is His Will for our lives.

Mark 12:28 - 31 - [28] One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" [29] "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. [30] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' [31] The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." [NIV]

That pretty much sums it up simply. The irony that I used a passage from Mark to describe what we learned in 1st John is not lost on me. This is the amazing truth behind the inspired, perfect Word of God. It supports itself - and is what anything we are confronted with in life should be checked against. If something is presented to us as having come "from God" and does is not supported by His Word, then it is definitely not His Will.

Through the teaching the next couple of nights there at Blackjack I became convicted of a few things. Mainly the way I have treated people in my life. You all love me, and I have been arrogant, selfish, bull-headed, stubborn and a heavy brute. What I have considered my own intelligence has been a filter through which I have diminished your care and love for me - as my friend, as my family, as my brother or sister in Christ. I have refused both your love and His love for me.

I'm not talking about salvation. I've been saved for most of my life and that has never been in question. I have no refused Christ's salvation. I have refused what comes next - His love. His grace, compassion, care and amazing mercy. I have continued to sin and even without my knowing it live a sinful life. It is impossible to walk with God and continue to live in sin. Praise Him for revealing this to me. Even my own arrogant and prideful thinking from the very day.

Strangers called by God to this one mountain on this one island

to become family in His love.

At Blackjack campsite we - as a family group - broke down the walls that kept us from loving on each other, and receiving love - Agape Love. His love. Once coming in contact with the true, never-ending amazing nature of His perfect love we were then able to love on each other the way He designed us to. For me, the first time I have ever been able to love someone with a love stronger and deeper than I thought possible. A love that gives without any expectation of receiving.

1 John 3:11 - For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. [NIV]

The Amazing Creator of all things showed me how much He loves me, on the top of that mountain, on that island off the coast of California. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Lord! What an amazing time! I could not wait to get off that island and back to my phone so that I could call my parents and apologize for years of being...well, being me. Raising me, I'm sure, has been frustrating. A friend of mine once asked my mother how she survived birthing such an enormous ego. My friend was not far off.

Now I am praying that God continues to convict me of myself, my attitude. The things that I put first before His love and His Word which commands that I love Him and love others first and foremost. Above all things. We are all commanded to love - and if we love Him then we will be obedient and the command wont be a chore - it will be what we live for. That's where I want to be the rest of my days on earth. I want to be obedient and to show His love and worship Him through loving others.

The morning sunrise above the marine layer of clouds.

There was an amazing sense of isolation and solitude here.

On Wednesday (09/21/11) we were woken before dawn and taken out to spots along various trails and placed. This was our "solo day" - 12 hours of fasting, praying, our own study in His word, and silence. Being quiet. The concepts of this conviction were buzzing around my head like flies but they did not come into absolute until I had read some more random bits of the New Testament. When He convicted me it came down on me like a ton of bricks.

1 John 3:20 - If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything. [NIV]

There I was, alone with God, on a tarp, on the side of a mountain, on this island. He was speaking to me. Convicting me of things I needed to get out of my life. I cried. I prayed. I sobbed myself into a nap. I woke up with the early afternoon sun shining down on me. I woke up praising God for His mercy in this new revelation. Then I moved my tent from the sunshine to the shade of the tree I was anchored to.

I wanted to continue reading along in the New Testament. I actually wanted more conviction. I wanted to know more. I wanted God to reveal more to me. I fumbled about for something that I hadn't read before, or bits that I could remember being poinant. I wanted that conviction again. God wasn't having it.  In His wisdom he led me to 1 Samuel.

So I read the first twenty chapters of 1 Samuel. This time not as a study but as a story. I read this praying that the Lord would reveal something new to me. I've read 1 Samuel before. About at the point where Saul is trying to pin David to the wall with a spear my mind wandered into prayer, and eventually I fell asleep again.

I don't dream. If I do dream I never remember it. This was no exception. Yet, while I was asleep the Amazing Creator reached down inside of me and changed something. I don't know what, exactly. Nothing physical, but something about my character, my person, my soul. Somewhere in that afternoon nap He seemed to tell me that He was preparing me for something. What He was not ready to reveal. But His purpose for me was absolutely on my mind while I slept. Something new began to grow.

"Ben" I heard a voice say. I bolted upright. "I am here, Lord" I thought to myself - The story of God speaking to Samuel was fresh on my mind. The caller wasn't God, but one of the Impact leaders who had come to fetch me. My twelve hours of alone time with the Lord was concluded.

The other Impact campers were gathered and brought back to Blackjack. We remained in silence until dinner when we started to share our experiences with God. It was amazing to see how God can have intense, personal life-changing communication with multiple people at once. We were asked to give our solo time a one-word description. Mine was "preparation" - He is preparing me for something of His perfect design.

My wilderness family. Friends for eternity.

I could go on with details of how we then got down the mountain and back into Avalon. The boat ride back to the Long Beach, and my first glimpse of the Queen Mary (I have got to go visit that ship sometime). Unfortunately it is late and my roommates are both in bed. I fear my typing is distracting to them and so to be loving I will conclude.

In closing - if there was a point of this time with Impact195 for me to quit, it would have been on this trip. Fortunately I listened to God, was and will continue to be obedient, and look forward to the coming months of growth in Him. Please continue to pray for me - I have bills coming up, no job, and my jeep has started acting up again (I'll post about that soon too - how God has used my jeep multiple times to shape my life).

Buffalo freely roam Catalina Island.

I can honestly say that I love you all, and pray that you will be obedient to the Lord and know the blessings He has for you as well. Obedience to Him has been, for me, the best decision I have ever made outside of accepting His salvation.

*Photos courtesy my loving family member, Karina.