Original Message

The following is the content from Malchus.net before it was a blog about my experience in Impact195. The page I wrote and distributed before I was accepted into the program when I first acted on faith that God was calling me to this program. I post it here so that we can revisit it and see where this journey began:

Well, He got me.

As much as I was trying to do things my way, God finally put an end to my foolishness and it's time to fess up.

I've been running, avoiding, living in my own head, intellectually working out what I've thought was the best, most reasonable approach to life. Of course that isn't working out.

What happened to the TV show? Well, it - like everything not committed to God - is torment. I'd spent two and a half years working on this show and when it was all said and done the window of opportunity to do things with wisdom had passed us by and now the show is at the mercy of the system. No longer in the hands of intellect, but chance. It will not air in 2011, and my faith that things will work out for it in 2012 is minimal. I don't have faith in man. If I were going to, I'd have faith in me.

I am, like all men, flawed. Most of what I've worked for, not just in the past couple years, but my whole life, has all led up to....nothing. I've got nothing to show for it all. Some unique yet worldly experiences. The whole time I thought I knew what was right for me, and did not consider what the Lord's will was for my life.

I was in San Diego in July and was introduced to Impact195, a ministry of The Rock church. At first I had little interest in Impact195, though I knew God had already been working on me to give some things up to him. I met a 'graduate' of Impact195, Darah Wilson. She said to me that I would be blessed for being at their closing night of worship and testimony. I didn't anticipate how much of a blessing it would be. She was right! Every speaker stood up and talked about their own sin, their own arrogance, head-strongness, blocks, issues. Every person I heard speak that night was speaking directly to me. I have problems. I have those problems.

At first Impact195 seemed like a big commitment, but as I've been praying, reading the bible, and even fasting along with The Rock, I know that the Lord has put this program on my heart. The discipline, the 20 hours a week commitment - these are not things I want to do in and of themselves. What I want is to follow God's will. But how do I know what that is?

Impact 195 is the equivalent of 40 years of Sunday morning church concentrated into 9 months. It's not just a bible study program, though. It's a get-up-and-apply-what-you've-learned program. That's what I need. Not just to learn. I learn plenty well. I need to start living. I need to have faith in the Lord and live the way He wants me to so that I can serve Him and fulfill what He created me for.

As of today - Saturday, August, 27, 2011 - I have approximately a week to prepare to leave for San Diego. Impact195 starts September 6. I have no ability to take care of a lot of the things that are keeping me from Impact195 but isn't that a great place to be? Somewhere God is calling you to go and no ability to get there? It must be Him to do it, and quite possible He may want to provide through you.

I'm not good at asking for money. In fact, I hate it. Maybe pride, or maybe it's just leechy. I'm asking for you to pray and see what God puts on your heart. It might be a donation to this task, or it might be some other unique way you may be able to help. The obstacles are listed on the right. Read up on what separates me from this life-changing bible study, pray about it and then - like I so long to do - take action! Do something!

Thank you for praying for me. Please continue to do so. I know that the Lord will bless your for your obedience in a greater way than I've experienced so far from my simple, disciplined obedience of late. Hold me accountable for seeking and following God's path for my life.