I thought I'd post the memory verses we are challenged to memorize each week. This will not only help me remember them but perhaps encourage and enlighten you as well. All scripture from NKJV.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; live does not parade itself; is not puffed up; does not behave rudely; does not seek it's own; is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never fails.
Proverbs 4:23
Keep your heart with all diligence,
for out of it spring the issues of life.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind!
Revelations 2:4-5
Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent and do the first works, or else I will come to you quickly and remove your lampstand from it's place - unless you repent.
Well. Nope. It hasn't helped me memorize these verses at all. I guess I'll have to do this the reliable old fashioned way - study. Ahhh. Diligence.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Unexpected Blessing
I don't have a great plethora* of information to impart to you today - dear reader. What I do have is an encouraging event that confirmed God's amazing mercy.
This morning I left the Brotel early with housemate Steve. He dropped me off to Impact195 on his way about his business for the day. This put me there at about 7:30 this morning. No cars were there yet so I walked around to the back of the building, chose a perch and took up with my memory verses.
A bit after 8AM the media dude - Dan - strolled up and we chatted on our walk around to the front door. I let him know what I do and that I am looking for a job. If that's all that happened today I would have felt good about the day, but it's not.
I went into the cafe and started to write on something that has been gestating inside me. This is something I will share with you when the time is right. Then my Wilderness Family started to arrive. Karina - who may be the only person who knows what I could be typing on. Richard and Ashley invited me to go into the chapel and pray with them. I did. I prayed nothing but thanks to the Lord. Thanks for His jeep which He has bestowed to me and put in my care - which is currently in the shop. Thanks for Steve who went a bit out of his way to drop me off at Impact. Thanks for this family who invite me and encourage me to pray.
After we prayed for a bit I went back to the cafe to gather my things and put them in the big classroom. On the way back down the hall the school treasurer, or CFO, or...whatever she does has to do with money - Debbie - caught me.
She delivered the amazing news that someone - this morning - had paid the remainder of my tuition for this term. The remaining balance on my lessons at Impact195 for the rest of 2011. Thank God! I think that's all I could say. It's all I remember saying. It was His money in the first place, but Thank God for having an obedient servant with a heart to bless knucklehead me. Wow. Thank you.
I was so overwhelmed in thanks to God that I completely forgot to ask her who made this sacrifice. I don't think she would have told me anyway. She hadn't offered the information. It was just, amazing.
Worship started and I went in the big classroom and jumped right into an open heart of worship. God had blessed me. Then I looked up and saw Richard walking toward me - tears in his eyes, a smile on his face. My Wilderness Brother. He came up to me and hugged me - I knew that he had received similar news by his demeanor. We just stood there and hugged and thanked God.
It wasn't until the end of the day that I discovered that our Wilderness Sister, Melanie (who is Canadian, yet speaks almost perfect English), was also blessed with having her term tuition paid up.
How amazing that God put this on the heart of someone who cares and is wanting to be obedient to His Will. What fantastic news! How precious that the same Creator of all things planned out a day for someone to give a few hundred dollars to speak to me.
Now the responsibility of next term's finances moves up to bat. I see how the Lord has been faithful to provide in this, and it brings me comfort in his amazing mercy and perfect grace. I am reminded that while I need to be diligent about finding a job, I mustn't let worry overcome me.
I have one job. To be obedient to God. The great and merciful God.
*Ci, El Guapo - I would say you have a plethora of pintas.
This morning I left the Brotel early with housemate Steve. He dropped me off to Impact195 on his way about his business for the day. This put me there at about 7:30 this morning. No cars were there yet so I walked around to the back of the building, chose a perch and took up with my memory verses.
A bit after 8AM the media dude - Dan - strolled up and we chatted on our walk around to the front door. I let him know what I do and that I am looking for a job. If that's all that happened today I would have felt good about the day, but it's not.
I went into the cafe and started to write on something that has been gestating inside me. This is something I will share with you when the time is right. Then my Wilderness Family started to arrive. Karina - who may be the only person who knows what I could be typing on. Richard and Ashley invited me to go into the chapel and pray with them. I did. I prayed nothing but thanks to the Lord. Thanks for His jeep which He has bestowed to me and put in my care - which is currently in the shop. Thanks for Steve who went a bit out of his way to drop me off at Impact. Thanks for this family who invite me and encourage me to pray.
After we prayed for a bit I went back to the cafe to gather my things and put them in the big classroom. On the way back down the hall the school treasurer, or CFO, or...whatever she does has to do with money - Debbie - caught me.
She delivered the amazing news that someone - this morning - had paid the remainder of my tuition for this term. The remaining balance on my lessons at Impact195 for the rest of 2011. Thank God! I think that's all I could say. It's all I remember saying. It was His money in the first place, but Thank God for having an obedient servant with a heart to bless knucklehead me. Wow. Thank you.
I was so overwhelmed in thanks to God that I completely forgot to ask her who made this sacrifice. I don't think she would have told me anyway. She hadn't offered the information. It was just, amazing.
Worship started and I went in the big classroom and jumped right into an open heart of worship. God had blessed me. Then I looked up and saw Richard walking toward me - tears in his eyes, a smile on his face. My Wilderness Brother. He came up to me and hugged me - I knew that he had received similar news by his demeanor. We just stood there and hugged and thanked God.
It wasn't until the end of the day that I discovered that our Wilderness Sister, Melanie (who is Canadian, yet speaks almost perfect English), was also blessed with having her term tuition paid up.
How amazing that God put this on the heart of someone who cares and is wanting to be obedient to His Will. What fantastic news! How precious that the same Creator of all things planned out a day for someone to give a few hundred dollars to speak to me.
Now the responsibility of next term's finances moves up to bat. I see how the Lord has been faithful to provide in this, and it brings me comfort in his amazing mercy and perfect grace. I am reminded that while I need to be diligent about finding a job, I mustn't let worry overcome me.
I have one job. To be obedient to God. The great and merciful God.
*Ci, El Guapo - I would say you have a plethora of pintas.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Wilderness T-Shirt
I'm designing T-shirts. The first one legitimately for sale through my online Zazzle shop is in reference to the Impact195 1st John Wilderness Trip to Catalina Island. This design features the word LOVE, with the O being a compass at the center of a cross. In the compass is a Catalina buffalo. The text reminds us that we are to Love God and Love Each Other.
When you purchase a shirt off Malchus.net the royalty made off the shirt goes toward the ministry education I am receiving here in San Diego. It is not the most efficient way to give, but it's a fun way for me to use my talents, and hopefully bless you with a cool t-shirt.
There will be more t-shirts and designs coming as I learn more in Impact195 during this season. Be sure to check back frequently to see what God is doing in my life and the lives of my classmates. Above everything
else I ask that you would pray for us all in this time of obedience and learning.
When you purchase a shirt off Malchus.net the royalty made off the shirt goes toward the ministry education I am receiving here in San Diego. It is not the most efficient way to give, but it's a fun way for me to use my talents, and hopefully bless you with a cool t-shirt.
There will be more t-shirts and designs coming as I learn more in Impact195 during this season. Be sure to check back frequently to see what God is doing in my life and the lives of my classmates. Above everything
else I ask that you would pray for us all in this time of obedience and learning.
Wilderness Recap
We first term students of Impact195 returned from our 1 John Wilderness Trip on Thursday night, as scheduled. I have since debated as to how to write everything that happened on the trip for you - my reader. A lot happened. A lot more than I expected. After a couple of days of telling the stories to my cousins here in San Diego and skyping with my family back in Texas I think I'm now able to sum up the experience into a pithy submission.
Saturday (09/17/11) I awoke at 4:00AM to ride with my housemates Caleb and Steve to the Impact campus. Caleb was going as a mentor on the trip and had to arrive early for a meeting at 5AM. So I was early arriving. First student to arrive, actually.
By 6AM the other students had arrived and everything, everywhere was a buzz of activity. We were on the bus by 7AM cheered on by term 2 and 3 students, alumni and staff. There was more enthusiasm and cheering than at an Apple Store meeting. I didn't have a watch and had no idea of time from that moment on for the rest of the trip.
We arrived at the Catalina Ferry Terminal and waited a bit in our family groups before boarding the boat that took us to Two Harbors. That night we camped above the harbor where we could hear the waves crashing against the rocks. My tent-mate, Josh, threatened to punch me if I snored. I snored. Fortunately he refrained from following through on his threat.
The next day - Sunday - we had a seven mile hike and - without going into any of my family-group's details - the walls started crumbling down. We saw that morning, even before lunch, what a challenge this was going to be. Not just the hiking and physical strain, but the challenge of having to trust one another, get to know each other and trust each other beyond what I think any of us would presume to be a reasonably comfortable level for a group of strangers. The view from the top of the first peak was tremendous.
We continued, now downhill and westerly away from the basic civilization of Two Harbors. We began to encounter more significant signs of nature - mainly buffalo droppings. We saw a few that day during our walk to Little Harbor on the west side of the island. That night we had the second night of study in 1 John around the campfire, led by Impact instructor and our family leader, Cisco.
In our small groups we were challenged to consider what we have in our lives as a stumbling block, keeping us from fully worshiping and obeying God's Word and Will for us. We wrote down our stumbling block and threw it in the campfire, sharing with one another. I was comfortable sharing with these people, though I barely knew them. We'd all come from different backgrounds and from different places - yet in one day of hiking we knew that we have a history of being a sinner in common.
The next morning we woke early and stretched out. Another long hike was ahead of us, but this one was almost entirely uphill. Our destination was Blackjack Campsite. (alternate, perhaps more enlightening link for Blackjack)
Blackjack was what the alumni of the 1 John Wilderness Trip had all mentioned to us newbies in foreboding tones. "Just you wait until Blackjack" or "Good luck" or such. It was a difficult climb. Especially the last bit where I think I slipped into some dehydrated delirium. The hike took most of the day and I drank all my water along the trail and really put off accepting water from my family - they would need it too.
And then I died.
No. I didn't die. If I had died then wow - I'd be in heaven and praising God right now to His face! Unfortunately I lived and am in my bunk-bed in El Cajon.
As we neared the peak of the mountain that is home to Blackjack camp another Impact family group of guys suddenly appeared on the trail ahead of us, running at us, yelling and cheering, waving us on and gleefully coming to relieve us of our heavy backpacks. This was so encouraging to me that I actually refused to give mine up, something that God convicted me of later on the trip. I was greeted by Alex, an 18 year old who transplanted himself from Virginia to San Diego for Impact195. When I refused to let him take my bag he took my arm and prayed for me.
Finally we made it into Blackjack camp where I was able to drink some amazingly funky well water and recover from the long hot uphill hike. Josh and I set up our tent and we had dinner and prepared for our evening study in 1 John.
1 John is all about love. Basically - boils down to this: Once saved we are called to obey God. To obey God is to love Him through our actions. More specifically His commandments that He has given us in his Word. Thus, obeying His commandments is His Will for our lives.
Mark 12:28 - 31 - [28] One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" [29] "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. [30] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' [31] The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." [NIV]
That pretty much sums it up simply. The irony that I used a passage from Mark to describe what we learned in 1st John is not lost on me. This is the amazing truth behind the inspired, perfect Word of God. It supports itself - and is what anything we are confronted with in life should be checked against. If something is presented to us as having come "from God" and does is not supported by His Word, then it is definitely not His Will.
Through the teaching the next couple of nights there at Blackjack I became convicted of a few things. Mainly the way I have treated people in my life. You all love me, and I have been arrogant, selfish, bull-headed, stubborn and a heavy brute. What I have considered my own intelligence has been a filter through which I have diminished your care and love for me - as my friend, as my family, as my brother or sister in Christ. I have refused both your love and His love for me.
I'm not talking about salvation. I've been saved for most of my life and that has never been in question. I have no refused Christ's salvation. I have refused what comes next - His love. His grace, compassion, care and amazing mercy. I have continued to sin and even without my knowing it live a sinful life. It is impossible to walk with God and continue to live in sin. Praise Him for revealing this to me. Even my own arrogant and prideful thinking from the very day.
At Blackjack campsite we - as a family group - broke down the walls that kept us from loving on each other, and receiving love - Agape Love. His love. Once coming in contact with the true, never-ending amazing nature of His perfect love we were then able to love on each other the way He designed us to. For me, the first time I have ever been able to love someone with a love stronger and deeper than I thought possible. A love that gives without any expectation of receiving.
1 John 3:11 - For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. [NIV]
The Amazing Creator of all things showed me how much He loves me, on the top of that mountain, on that island off the coast of California. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Lord! What an amazing time! I could not wait to get off that island and back to my phone so that I could call my parents and apologize for years of being...well, being me. Raising me, I'm sure, has been frustrating. A friend of mine once asked my mother how she survived birthing such an enormous ego. My friend was not far off.
Now I am praying that God continues to convict me of myself, my attitude. The things that I put first before His love and His Word which commands that I love Him and love others first and foremost. Above all things. We are all commanded to love - and if we love Him then we will be obedient and the command wont be a chore - it will be what we live for. That's where I want to be the rest of my days on earth. I want to be obedient and to show His love and worship Him through loving others.
On Wednesday (09/21/11) we were woken before dawn and taken out to spots along various trails and placed. This was our "solo day" - 12 hours of fasting, praying, our own study in His word, and silence. Being quiet. The concepts of this conviction were buzzing around my head like flies but they did not come into absolute until I had read some more random bits of the New Testament. When He convicted me it came down on me like a ton of bricks.
1 John 3:20 - If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything. [NIV]
There I was, alone with God, on a tarp, on the side of a mountain, on this island. He was speaking to me. Convicting me of things I needed to get out of my life. I cried. I prayed. I sobbed myself into a nap. I woke up with the early afternoon sun shining down on me. I woke up praising God for His mercy in this new revelation. Then I moved my tent from the sunshine to the shade of the tree I was anchored to.
I wanted to continue reading along in the New Testament. I actually wanted more conviction. I wanted to know more. I wanted God to reveal more to me. I fumbled about for something that I hadn't read before, or bits that I could remember being poinant. I wanted that conviction again. God wasn't having it. In His wisdom he led me to 1 Samuel.
So I read the first twenty chapters of 1 Samuel. This time not as a study but as a story. I read this praying that the Lord would reveal something new to me. I've read 1 Samuel before. About at the point where Saul is trying to pin David to the wall with a spear my mind wandered into prayer, and eventually I fell asleep again.
I don't dream. If I do dream I never remember it. This was no exception. Yet, while I was asleep the Amazing Creator reached down inside of me and changed something. I don't know what, exactly. Nothing physical, but something about my character, my person, my soul. Somewhere in that afternoon nap He seemed to tell me that He was preparing me for something. What He was not ready to reveal. But His purpose for me was absolutely on my mind while I slept. Something new began to grow.
"Ben" I heard a voice say. I bolted upright. "I am here, Lord" I thought to myself - The story of God speaking to Samuel was fresh on my mind. The caller wasn't God, but one of the Impact leaders who had come to fetch me. My twelve hours of alone time with the Lord was concluded.
The other Impact campers were gathered and brought back to Blackjack. We remained in silence until dinner when we started to share our experiences with God. It was amazing to see how God can have intense, personal life-changing communication with multiple people at once. We were asked to give our solo time a one-word description. Mine was "preparation" - He is preparing me for something of His perfect design.
I could go on with details of how we then got down the mountain and back into Avalon. The boat ride back to the Long Beach, and my first glimpse of the Queen Mary (I have got to go visit that ship sometime). Unfortunately it is late and my roommates are both in bed. I fear my typing is distracting to them and so to be loving I will conclude.
In closing - if there was a point of this time with Impact195 for me to quit, it would have been on this trip. Fortunately I listened to God, was and will continue to be obedient, and look forward to the coming months of growth in Him. Please continue to pray for me - I have bills coming up, no job, and my jeep has started acting up again (I'll post about that soon too - how God has used my jeep multiple times to shape my life).
I can honestly say that I love you all, and pray that you will be obedient to the Lord and know the blessings He has for you as well. Obedience to Him has been, for me, the best decision I have ever made outside of accepting His salvation.
*Photos courtesy my loving family member, Karina.
Saturday (09/17/11) I awoke at 4:00AM to ride with my housemates Caleb and Steve to the Impact campus. Caleb was going as a mentor on the trip and had to arrive early for a meeting at 5AM. So I was early arriving. First student to arrive, actually.
By 6AM the other students had arrived and everything, everywhere was a buzz of activity. We were on the bus by 7AM cheered on by term 2 and 3 students, alumni and staff. There was more enthusiasm and cheering than at an Apple Store meeting. I didn't have a watch and had no idea of time from that moment on for the rest of the trip.
We arrived at the Catalina Ferry Terminal and waited a bit in our family groups before boarding the boat that took us to Two Harbors. That night we camped above the harbor where we could hear the waves crashing against the rocks. My tent-mate, Josh, threatened to punch me if I snored. I snored. Fortunately he refrained from following through on his threat.
Camp site over Two Harbors at sunset.
I was not punched in my sleep.
The next day - Sunday - we had a seven mile hike and - without going into any of my family-group's details - the walls started crumbling down. We saw that morning, even before lunch, what a challenge this was going to be. Not just the hiking and physical strain, but the challenge of having to trust one another, get to know each other and trust each other beyond what I think any of us would presume to be a reasonably comfortable level for a group of strangers. The view from the top of the first peak was tremendous.
My Wilderness Family at our first summit.
We look happy because we had no idea what was ahead for us.
We continued, now downhill and westerly away from the basic civilization of Two Harbors. We began to encounter more significant signs of nature - mainly buffalo droppings. We saw a few that day during our walk to Little Harbor on the west side of the island. That night we had the second night of study in 1 John around the campfire, led by Impact instructor and our family leader, Cisco.
Little Harbor has good esteem and running water.
It'll never be a big harbor, but it's ok with that.
In our small groups we were challenged to consider what we have in our lives as a stumbling block, keeping us from fully worshiping and obeying God's Word and Will for us. We wrote down our stumbling block and threw it in the campfire, sharing with one another. I was comfortable sharing with these people, though I barely knew them. We'd all come from different backgrounds and from different places - yet in one day of hiking we knew that we have a history of being a sinner in common.
The next morning we woke early and stretched out. Another long hike was ahead of us, but this one was almost entirely uphill. Our destination was Blackjack Campsite. (alternate, perhaps more enlightening link for Blackjack)
This picture doesn't show how difficult the hike was.
And then I died.
Not my headstone. I am still alive.
No. I didn't die. If I had died then wow - I'd be in heaven and praising God right now to His face! Unfortunately I lived and am in my bunk-bed in El Cajon.
As we neared the peak of the mountain that is home to Blackjack camp another Impact family group of guys suddenly appeared on the trail ahead of us, running at us, yelling and cheering, waving us on and gleefully coming to relieve us of our heavy backpacks. This was so encouraging to me that I actually refused to give mine up, something that God convicted me of later on the trip. I was greeted by Alex, an 18 year old who transplanted himself from Virginia to San Diego for Impact195. When I refused to let him take my bag he took my arm and prayed for me.
The Blackjack campsite is difficult to reach, primitive, and remote.
Finally we made it into Blackjack camp where I was able to drink some amazingly funky well water and recover from the long hot uphill hike. Josh and I set up our tent and we had dinner and prepared for our evening study in 1 John.
1 John is all about love. Basically - boils down to this: Once saved we are called to obey God. To obey God is to love Him through our actions. More specifically His commandments that He has given us in his Word. Thus, obeying His commandments is His Will for our lives.
Mark 12:28 - 31 - [28] One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" [29] "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. [30] Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' [31] The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." [NIV]
That pretty much sums it up simply. The irony that I used a passage from Mark to describe what we learned in 1st John is not lost on me. This is the amazing truth behind the inspired, perfect Word of God. It supports itself - and is what anything we are confronted with in life should be checked against. If something is presented to us as having come "from God" and does is not supported by His Word, then it is definitely not His Will.
Through the teaching the next couple of nights there at Blackjack I became convicted of a few things. Mainly the way I have treated people in my life. You all love me, and I have been arrogant, selfish, bull-headed, stubborn and a heavy brute. What I have considered my own intelligence has been a filter through which I have diminished your care and love for me - as my friend, as my family, as my brother or sister in Christ. I have refused both your love and His love for me.
I'm not talking about salvation. I've been saved for most of my life and that has never been in question. I have no refused Christ's salvation. I have refused what comes next - His love. His grace, compassion, care and amazing mercy. I have continued to sin and even without my knowing it live a sinful life. It is impossible to walk with God and continue to live in sin. Praise Him for revealing this to me. Even my own arrogant and prideful thinking from the very day.
Strangers called by God to this one mountain on this one island
to become family in His love.
At Blackjack campsite we - as a family group - broke down the walls that kept us from loving on each other, and receiving love - Agape Love. His love. Once coming in contact with the true, never-ending amazing nature of His perfect love we were then able to love on each other the way He designed us to. For me, the first time I have ever been able to love someone with a love stronger and deeper than I thought possible. A love that gives without any expectation of receiving.
1 John 3:11 - For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. [NIV]
The Amazing Creator of all things showed me how much He loves me, on the top of that mountain, on that island off the coast of California. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Lord! What an amazing time! I could not wait to get off that island and back to my phone so that I could call my parents and apologize for years of being...well, being me. Raising me, I'm sure, has been frustrating. A friend of mine once asked my mother how she survived birthing such an enormous ego. My friend was not far off.
Now I am praying that God continues to convict me of myself, my attitude. The things that I put first before His love and His Word which commands that I love Him and love others first and foremost. Above all things. We are all commanded to love - and if we love Him then we will be obedient and the command wont be a chore - it will be what we live for. That's where I want to be the rest of my days on earth. I want to be obedient and to show His love and worship Him through loving others.
The morning sunrise above the marine layer of clouds.
There was an amazing sense of isolation and solitude here.
On Wednesday (09/21/11) we were woken before dawn and taken out to spots along various trails and placed. This was our "solo day" - 12 hours of fasting, praying, our own study in His word, and silence. Being quiet. The concepts of this conviction were buzzing around my head like flies but they did not come into absolute until I had read some more random bits of the New Testament. When He convicted me it came down on me like a ton of bricks.
1 John 3:20 - If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and He knows everything. [NIV]
There I was, alone with God, on a tarp, on the side of a mountain, on this island. He was speaking to me. Convicting me of things I needed to get out of my life. I cried. I prayed. I sobbed myself into a nap. I woke up with the early afternoon sun shining down on me. I woke up praising God for His mercy in this new revelation. Then I moved my tent from the sunshine to the shade of the tree I was anchored to.
I wanted to continue reading along in the New Testament. I actually wanted more conviction. I wanted to know more. I wanted God to reveal more to me. I fumbled about for something that I hadn't read before, or bits that I could remember being poinant. I wanted that conviction again. God wasn't having it. In His wisdom he led me to 1 Samuel.
So I read the first twenty chapters of 1 Samuel. This time not as a study but as a story. I read this praying that the Lord would reveal something new to me. I've read 1 Samuel before. About at the point where Saul is trying to pin David to the wall with a spear my mind wandered into prayer, and eventually I fell asleep again.
I don't dream. If I do dream I never remember it. This was no exception. Yet, while I was asleep the Amazing Creator reached down inside of me and changed something. I don't know what, exactly. Nothing physical, but something about my character, my person, my soul. Somewhere in that afternoon nap He seemed to tell me that He was preparing me for something. What He was not ready to reveal. But His purpose for me was absolutely on my mind while I slept. Something new began to grow.
"Ben" I heard a voice say. I bolted upright. "I am here, Lord" I thought to myself - The story of God speaking to Samuel was fresh on my mind. The caller wasn't God, but one of the Impact leaders who had come to fetch me. My twelve hours of alone time with the Lord was concluded.
The other Impact campers were gathered and brought back to Blackjack. We remained in silence until dinner when we started to share our experiences with God. It was amazing to see how God can have intense, personal life-changing communication with multiple people at once. We were asked to give our solo time a one-word description. Mine was "preparation" - He is preparing me for something of His perfect design.
My wilderness family. Friends for eternity.
I could go on with details of how we then got down the mountain and back into Avalon. The boat ride back to the Long Beach, and my first glimpse of the Queen Mary (I have got to go visit that ship sometime). Unfortunately it is late and my roommates are both in bed. I fear my typing is distracting to them and so to be loving I will conclude.
In closing - if there was a point of this time with Impact195 for me to quit, it would have been on this trip. Fortunately I listened to God, was and will continue to be obedient, and look forward to the coming months of growth in Him. Please continue to pray for me - I have bills coming up, no job, and my jeep has started acting up again (I'll post about that soon too - how God has used my jeep multiple times to shape my life).
Buffalo freely roam Catalina Island.
I can honestly say that I love you all, and pray that you will be obedient to the Lord and know the blessings He has for you as well. Obedience to Him has been, for me, the best decision I have ever made outside of accepting His salvation.
*Photos courtesy my loving family member, Karina.
Friday, September 16, 2011
One last thing...DON'T BUY THIS T-SHIRT!
Before I go on this adventure I want you to know something else I intend on doing when I get back, and give you a quick sample.
In the coming weeks I will be making products available through this site that will support my continued discovery of His Will through His Word. These products will be available through an online store like Zazzle, which is where I made this - my first sample. If there were more hours in the day then I'd have a whole slew of products made.
Don't be alarmed at the high price of this t-shirt. In fact, don't even buy it. It's listed at approximately $25 and that's way to expensive for a t-shirt with my website name on it, and honestly the royalty is way too small.
make custom gifts at Zazzle
I don't ever want to get into the t-shirt business. Especially the Christian t-shirt business. Cultural Christianity is the most damaging thing to the sincere and very real calling that Christ has for our lives, and I'd hate to put out idle stuff just to make a buck. My intent when I start designing is to create products - hopefully works of art - that express the journey that I am on with the Lord.
Save your money, but salivate at the cool awesomeness of things yet to come. I'd love your comments, ideas, suggestions. In fact, if you know of a better way for me to be able to sell things online then let me know. Thank you.
In the coming weeks I will be making products available through this site that will support my continued discovery of His Will through His Word. These products will be available through an online store like Zazzle, which is where I made this - my first sample. If there were more hours in the day then I'd have a whole slew of products made.
Don't be alarmed at the high price of this t-shirt. In fact, don't even buy it. It's listed at approximately $25 and that's way to expensive for a t-shirt with my website name on it, and honestly the royalty is way too small.
make custom gifts at Zazzle
I don't ever want to get into the t-shirt business. Especially the Christian t-shirt business. Cultural Christianity is the most damaging thing to the sincere and very real calling that Christ has for our lives, and I'd hate to put out idle stuff just to make a buck. My intent when I start designing is to create products - hopefully works of art - that express the journey that I am on with the Lord.
Save your money, but salivate at the cool awesomeness of things yet to come. I'd love your comments, ideas, suggestions. In fact, if you know of a better way for me to be able to sell things online then let me know. Thank you.
Loose Change - The Price of Obedience
This has been quite a week. Full teaching at Impact195 as well as the Wednesday afternoon outreach ministry. That was work and I'm sure I'll touch on the outreach ministries more as they continue. The big news is that in 10 hours I'll be meeting up with the rest of my term one classmates at the Impact campus and departing for our 1st John Wilderness Trip.
Wilderness snuck up on me. I was very not prepared. Some of the things that we were required to have I actually have back in Texas and if I'd known I needed these things I could have brought them with me. Yesterday afternoon and all day today after class I furiously drove around from dollar-store to thrift-store looking for the things on my list.
Yesterday driving around from place to place, trying to not drive anywhere I didn't need to so I could save gas, I kept getting frustrated. As the sun got lower and lower the traffic got worse and there seemed to be a growing sense of panic among everyone to hurry up and get in my way. Hurry to Goodwill and get the last pair of pants I need. Hurry to the Dollar Tree and get the rest of the plastic bags. I was bleeding time and money - two things I did not have.
Now, this week we did learn in Impact195 that everything is God's. This isn't just a lesson about tithing of our money, or giving of our property. It's also a lesson in time management. God has more than all the time in the world. He made time. He can bend time. He can do anything He wants with it. Only the enemy has a finite amount of time, and a finite amount of time to dissuade us from living for Christ.
I knew this in my head while driving around and I kept looking at the clock, fretting that the stores would close before I could inexpensively find what I was looking for. I repented for being so impatient and frustrated and rather than grumbling to myself I decided to tell the Lord how great He is for even allowing me to be here and in this mad scramble.
Thank God that I'm in San Diego. Thank God that I'm in Impact195. Thank God that I get to go on this Wilderness Trip and spend time building friendships with my classmates and a stronger, deeper relationship with Him. I thanked Him for what I was most looking forward to on Wilderness: What I don't know to expect. The challenge before me that I haven't anticipated that I will have to trust in Him for. That's when - clear as a bell - I heard Him tell me that this was that challenge!
This is it. I'm driving around, frustrated, angry even. That is the challenge! He reminded me that, for me, my Wilderness adventure has already begun. Sure, I could have brought the few supplies I have back in Texas with me to make my life easier, but that wouldn't be trusting in Him. He reminded me that He is in charge, and He will lead me to His solutions, not mine.
Yesterday came to a good conclusion, despite my - and quite a few other people's - grumpiness. It didn't end even after my realization too. I sat up late and wrote an entire blog entry for you to read last night and just when I was going to publish it, somehow - in my confused humanity - I managed to erase the entire thing. Sleep was the best thing I could do in that moment.
This morning I woke ready to start the day. Ready to get going. At Impact195 we broke off into three family groups. About ten to a group. The leader of the family I'm in is Cisco, our instructor through Romans and Ephesians. He has been on this same trip a number of times. We all got to share what we most expect out of this adventure, and I testified about my adventure from yesterday. Then we packed our bags.
First thing I discovered is that I'd hoped to bring too many clothes. The less the better. So I'm down to one pair of pants. One pair of shorts. Two t-shirts. I can't wait to find out what I smell like at the end of the week! I also discovered what I was missing. Water bottles, plastic bags. Such and such little odds and ends. So I set out this afternoon to collect the last bits of what I need for our 6am departure.
I was less stressed about traffic or time today. The businesses I was hoping to patronize today would all be open later. Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Big Lots, Target. The problem is that those places - believe it or not - are too expensive for me. Seriously. For instance, we are required to carry two 1-liter camp-appropriate water bottles. Everywhere I went these are at least six dollars. I even found some that were up in the twenty-dollar range!
It seems like I went from store to store picking up one item here, one item there. Checking prices and comparing. To save on gas again I started at Point Loma (West) and worked my way east back to El Cajon (East) where I am staying. Every where I went I counted the cost of my needed supplies - too expensive. It was going to wipe me out. At one point I even called my mother to see if she could put some money in my bank account. I was convicted of that early on, since I set out to San Diego not to depend on my parents for any money.
Finally I ended up at a Target just blocks from the Brotel. There were two water bottles, for some reason - explicably on clearance. They were still five dollars each. A cringing price to pay for plastic water bottles compared to the twelve dollars in my pocket.
The twelve dollars in my wallet isn't mine. It's God. He created it all. The crunch, the tinge of frustration I get at spending this money is disobedience. I'd already asked if I could borrow some from Impact alumni and not gotten any answers. That was frustrating in itself, and now I have to spend the last of my cash to get water bottles.
I had been hoping to hold on to a few dollars for the end of the trip. Next Thursday - a week from today - we will be hiking back into Avalon where we will be all going to eat together. They told us to save back twenty to thirty dollars for that dinner as well as a shower that we can pay for at the end. I was already grossly under budget for that meal. After packing food today and realizing what we're going to be eating all week I was pre-looking forward to a good meal.
As I walked around the store and half-heartedly prayed, but more grumbled. Then I recalled yesterday's lesson - For me, Wilderness has already begun! This time, however, it was more of God asking me if I really trusted Him. If I trusted Him to take care of me. If I trusted Him to provide.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)
Bite the bullet. Or the bottle, rather. I picked up the last two bottles on clearance and took them up to the front. After it was all said and done I stood out in the parking lot by my jeep with a dollar and some change and my needed two water bottles. I looked at that dollar and thought Well, God has done more with less. I couldn't even get fish and bread with this.
I got in the jeep and shut the door, throwing the change in the little cup next to the stick-shift.
Change.
I have change. I have loose change.
I came back to the Brotel and sorted together all the things I'd purchased today. With a peaceful sense of completion I realized that I'd gotten all the most important things off the list. I cooked up a potato in the microwave. Gunny - the house German Shepherd came and put his head on my lap and watched me eat. I kept thinking about that change.
After washing my plate I went back to the bedroom I share with two other guys and went through all the pockets of all my clothes. I went through every bag I had, looking for cash and more importantly loose change.
A quick internet search and I zipped up the street to CVS and poured a heavy cup of coins into the Coinstar machine. I was expecting to come out of the store with ten dollars so that I could shower and have at least a drink or a side order when we came to rest at the end of the trip.
I stood in CVS and started crying at the mercy the amazing Creator of The Universe showed on knucklehead me. I walked out with thirty dollars and some change to put back in the cup and start the entire process over with! This resource had been with me this entire time!
I've used Coinstar before and it seems like I've put more coins in a machine and gotten less results. But somehow, way back, when I would drop silver coins into this cup - I don't know how to express this at the moment because I'm crying. I'm doing a lot of that lately. Crying at the amazing perfect plan that God has for me, and for each of us. Putting Him first before my own arrogant thinking is an amazing experience. All the drive-thrus, all the Starbucks runs. All the loose change thrown into that cup all these months, and He knew it was going to end up being this amazing moment that He designed to show me what obedience to Him is like.
Luke 12:24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (NIV)
He told me in Target to get those water bottles, even though I was trying to be a good steward - as we are being taught in Impact - with my money and plan ahead. Then again, I have to trust in the Lord today. What good would that twelve dollars be if I was disobedient to Him? I fulfilled my obligation to get my packing list, at the sacrifice of a meal next week. What did He do? Bring to my recall a resource, a plan, an ability that He put into place long before I had ever heard of Impact195.
How amazing God is that He wants to prove to us through these little ways - rewarding acts of obedience and faith - that He is all-knowing, all-loving, all-caring, never-changing, never-ending, supreme in all things. His will is absolute perfect and His will in my life is all I will ever need.
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (NIV)
Thank you for praying for me this week while we seek solitude with Him out on Catalina Island. By this time next week we will have walked approximately 29 miles and made bonding relationships with each other, and more importantly with Christ, that will last into eternity.
Wilderness snuck up on me. I was very not prepared. Some of the things that we were required to have I actually have back in Texas and if I'd known I needed these things I could have brought them with me. Yesterday afternoon and all day today after class I furiously drove around from dollar-store to thrift-store looking for the things on my list.
Yesterday driving around from place to place, trying to not drive anywhere I didn't need to so I could save gas, I kept getting frustrated. As the sun got lower and lower the traffic got worse and there seemed to be a growing sense of panic among everyone to hurry up and get in my way. Hurry to Goodwill and get the last pair of pants I need. Hurry to the Dollar Tree and get the rest of the plastic bags. I was bleeding time and money - two things I did not have.
Now, this week we did learn in Impact195 that everything is God's. This isn't just a lesson about tithing of our money, or giving of our property. It's also a lesson in time management. God has more than all the time in the world. He made time. He can bend time. He can do anything He wants with it. Only the enemy has a finite amount of time, and a finite amount of time to dissuade us from living for Christ.
I knew this in my head while driving around and I kept looking at the clock, fretting that the stores would close before I could inexpensively find what I was looking for. I repented for being so impatient and frustrated and rather than grumbling to myself I decided to tell the Lord how great He is for even allowing me to be here and in this mad scramble.
Thank God that I'm in San Diego. Thank God that I'm in Impact195. Thank God that I get to go on this Wilderness Trip and spend time building friendships with my classmates and a stronger, deeper relationship with Him. I thanked Him for what I was most looking forward to on Wilderness: What I don't know to expect. The challenge before me that I haven't anticipated that I will have to trust in Him for. That's when - clear as a bell - I heard Him tell me that this was that challenge!
This is it. I'm driving around, frustrated, angry even. That is the challenge! He reminded me that, for me, my Wilderness adventure has already begun. Sure, I could have brought the few supplies I have back in Texas with me to make my life easier, but that wouldn't be trusting in Him. He reminded me that He is in charge, and He will lead me to His solutions, not mine.
Yesterday came to a good conclusion, despite my - and quite a few other people's - grumpiness. It didn't end even after my realization too. I sat up late and wrote an entire blog entry for you to read last night and just when I was going to publish it, somehow - in my confused humanity - I managed to erase the entire thing. Sleep was the best thing I could do in that moment.
This morning I woke ready to start the day. Ready to get going. At Impact195 we broke off into three family groups. About ten to a group. The leader of the family I'm in is Cisco, our instructor through Romans and Ephesians. He has been on this same trip a number of times. We all got to share what we most expect out of this adventure, and I testified about my adventure from yesterday. Then we packed our bags.
First thing I discovered is that I'd hoped to bring too many clothes. The less the better. So I'm down to one pair of pants. One pair of shorts. Two t-shirts. I can't wait to find out what I smell like at the end of the week! I also discovered what I was missing. Water bottles, plastic bags. Such and such little odds and ends. So I set out this afternoon to collect the last bits of what I need for our 6am departure.
I was less stressed about traffic or time today. The businesses I was hoping to patronize today would all be open later. Wal-Mart, Dollar Tree, Big Lots, Target. The problem is that those places - believe it or not - are too expensive for me. Seriously. For instance, we are required to carry two 1-liter camp-appropriate water bottles. Everywhere I went these are at least six dollars. I even found some that were up in the twenty-dollar range!
It seems like I went from store to store picking up one item here, one item there. Checking prices and comparing. To save on gas again I started at Point Loma (West) and worked my way east back to El Cajon (East) where I am staying. Every where I went I counted the cost of my needed supplies - too expensive. It was going to wipe me out. At one point I even called my mother to see if she could put some money in my bank account. I was convicted of that early on, since I set out to San Diego not to depend on my parents for any money.
Finally I ended up at a Target just blocks from the Brotel. There were two water bottles, for some reason - explicably on clearance. They were still five dollars each. A cringing price to pay for plastic water bottles compared to the twelve dollars in my pocket.
The twelve dollars in my wallet isn't mine. It's God. He created it all. The crunch, the tinge of frustration I get at spending this money is disobedience. I'd already asked if I could borrow some from Impact alumni and not gotten any answers. That was frustrating in itself, and now I have to spend the last of my cash to get water bottles.
I had been hoping to hold on to a few dollars for the end of the trip. Next Thursday - a week from today - we will be hiking back into Avalon where we will be all going to eat together. They told us to save back twenty to thirty dollars for that dinner as well as a shower that we can pay for at the end. I was already grossly under budget for that meal. After packing food today and realizing what we're going to be eating all week I was pre-looking forward to a good meal.
As I walked around the store and half-heartedly prayed, but more grumbled. Then I recalled yesterday's lesson - For me, Wilderness has already begun! This time, however, it was more of God asking me if I really trusted Him. If I trusted Him to take care of me. If I trusted Him to provide.
Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)
Bite the bullet. Or the bottle, rather. I picked up the last two bottles on clearance and took them up to the front. After it was all said and done I stood out in the parking lot by my jeep with a dollar and some change and my needed two water bottles. I looked at that dollar and thought Well, God has done more with less. I couldn't even get fish and bread with this.
I got in the jeep and shut the door, throwing the change in the little cup next to the stick-shift.
Change.
I have change. I have loose change.
I came back to the Brotel and sorted together all the things I'd purchased today. With a peaceful sense of completion I realized that I'd gotten all the most important things off the list. I cooked up a potato in the microwave. Gunny - the house German Shepherd came and put his head on my lap and watched me eat. I kept thinking about that change.
After washing my plate I went back to the bedroom I share with two other guys and went through all the pockets of all my clothes. I went through every bag I had, looking for cash and more importantly loose change.
A quick internet search and I zipped up the street to CVS and poured a heavy cup of coins into the Coinstar machine. I was expecting to come out of the store with ten dollars so that I could shower and have at least a drink or a side order when we came to rest at the end of the trip.
I stood in CVS and started crying at the mercy the amazing Creator of The Universe showed on knucklehead me. I walked out with thirty dollars and some change to put back in the cup and start the entire process over with! This resource had been with me this entire time!
I've used Coinstar before and it seems like I've put more coins in a machine and gotten less results. But somehow, way back, when I would drop silver coins into this cup - I don't know how to express this at the moment because I'm crying. I'm doing a lot of that lately. Crying at the amazing perfect plan that God has for me, and for each of us. Putting Him first before my own arrogant thinking is an amazing experience. All the drive-thrus, all the Starbucks runs. All the loose change thrown into that cup all these months, and He knew it was going to end up being this amazing moment that He designed to show me what obedience to Him is like.
Luke 12:24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (NIV)
He told me in Target to get those water bottles, even though I was trying to be a good steward - as we are being taught in Impact - with my money and plan ahead. Then again, I have to trust in the Lord today. What good would that twelve dollars be if I was disobedient to Him? I fulfilled my obligation to get my packing list, at the sacrifice of a meal next week. What did He do? Bring to my recall a resource, a plan, an ability that He put into place long before I had ever heard of Impact195.
How amazing God is that He wants to prove to us through these little ways - rewarding acts of obedience and faith - that He is all-knowing, all-loving, all-caring, never-changing, never-ending, supreme in all things. His will is absolute perfect and His will in my life is all I will ever need.
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (NIV)
Thank you for praying for me this week while we seek solitude with Him out on Catalina Island. By this time next week we will have walked approximately 29 miles and made bonding relationships with each other, and more importantly with Christ, that will last into eternity.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Testimony of Faith
I kept up the job search today. Put out some applications. BestBuy, Starbucks, a local print shop, a TV station. I put in a few applications yesterday, and likely will tomorrow too. Haven't heard anything yet on any of them and it has been bothering me.
Then tonight I was talking to friends on the phone about my job hunt and I realized I was letting my concern over not having a job overpower my faith in the Lord. He called me here to seek His Will through the study of His Word. He didn't call me here to worry about getting a job. He is going to provide, and it will be in a way that only He can.
I took a step of faith by coming out to San Diego before I had all the funds together for Impact195, or before I had figured out where I was going to stay, or had a job. Well, He's provided a place to stay while in service to Him - of course there's rent, but it's modest and more importantly I'm learning to live in a house with people - something I've never wanted to do.
This step of faith has been rewarded already not just in knowledge of His Word but in a deeper and greater understanding of His Will. This has been centering for me, just a week in. I can only imagine the things that God has in store for me a year from now. The steps of faith that I'll take when trusting in Him, and the diligence and integrity that I will have gained so that He may trust more in me.
Worrying about a job is idolatry. I've let the concern of not being able to pay the bills be motivating rather than falling into absolute trust that the unfailing Creator Of All brought me out here to let me fail and increase my debt. I'm not talking about prosperity - I never want that. Extra white teeth don't suit me at all. No. I'm talking about taking care of my needs.
God made provision for me to come to Impact195 through His faithful. Not through any work of my own. I didn't work hard and save my money to do this. The opposite is true. I failed at everything else, and lost all the hard work I'd put into my television project, I've lost one of my dearest friends who has been a brother to me. I've had an immense season of loss this summer. It has not been good.
Yet God made a way for me to make the expensive move to San Diego to wrap myself in His Word and have a great and deep understanding of Him and His expectations of me. His Will. He used my own head-strongnes, stubbornness and folly to bring me to my knees before Him. Despite myself and what my own (alleged) intellect would have agreed was a good move.
A job is not a big task for the Lord-God who created every single opportunity in the universe. Not an obstacle. Nothing is an obstacle to Him, and if I am faithfully seeking Him and His Will, then no one but God can be praised when He provides the miracles and evidence - The Testimony - that He is in charge. No one who has supported this endeavor can say that they have more claim to this success or have invested more into me than anyone else. No one has invested more than Jesus, and no one gets more credit than the Lord who designed this very moment even before the foundations of the earth.
So why worry? What do I have to fear?
Luke 12:24 - Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds? (NKJV)
I'm not saying that I plan to be irresponsible. I will continue to seek employment, and hope to work to earn money to pay for my living. I need food, have a car payment, insurance, gas money, and still some owed on tuition at Impact195. Very rapidly, by the end of this month, there will be debt. I have felt that pressing down on me knowing that next week I will be totally out of contact with the outside world and wont be able to look for work. But I can't let this fear rule me.
I could apply for every job in the world and still not get it if it's not God's Will, and it is His Will that He be known to each and every person on Earth. I pray that He uses me to further that intention and I believe that He will do so by His perfect design.
Times are tough. No one has work, and those who do don't have money, and those who do aren't likely to give it frivolously. That is why I am asking you to pray. Pray that you, too, will see His Will at work in my life, and through the miracles He does around me.
Joshua 5:3 - And Joshua said to the people "Sanctify yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do wonders among you," (NKJV)
Tonight - before writing this entry - I asked the Lord for forgiveness for worrying, for putting what I perceived as my own concerns before my trust and faith in Him. You'd think after all the amazing things I've seen Him do to get me here that I'd be able to faithfully say that I know He will provide - yet I'm a sinner. My flesh causes doubt. My brain tricks me up. Stupid brain.
I have prayed that tomorrow He will do great things around me. I have set aside the day to see Him work wonders and miracles. While He may not provide a job for me tomorrow, nor may He miraculously cause me to win the lottery that I don't play - what He will do, and I believe this entirely, is reveal Himself to me, and to you, through a way neither of us ever thought previously possible.
Miracles happen. I'm not prophesying. I'm not saying that something huge will happen. I'm just saying that faith and obedience to the Lord does not go unrewarded. Again, not prosperity. His rewards are never-ending.
Ecclesiastes 3:14 - I know that whatever God does, It shall be forever. Nothing can be added to it, And nothing taken from it. God does it, that men should fear before Him. (NKJV)
He does things that last forever. Whatever miracle He chooses to make happen, whatever opportunity to serve, obey and praise Him that may first appear to be an obstacle - it will be for His Glory so that He shall be known and praised for all time.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Why Malchus?
I've been asked a couple times why my site is Malchus.net and the answer is simple - Malchus.com was taken.
Malchus is the name identified in the gospel of John as the servant of the high priest whose ear was cut off by Simon-Peter in the garden during Jesus's arrest. The gospels indicate that Jesus then healed Malchus's ear rather than put the old one back on. John also specifies that it was Malchus's right ear that was severed.
Why is this important? Malchus was a servant of the high priest, Ciaphus. The tradition of the day would have dictated that Malchus have a ring through his right earlobe.
At the beginning of his servitude to the high priest an awl would have been used on his ear against the doorpost of the high priest's house. Once pierced, a ring of metal - possibly gold - was put through the hole and fused together by heat. Malchus was a servant of the high priest for life.
When Peter cut off the servant's ear he essentially severed the symbol of Malchus's servitude to the high priest. Peter was more likely aiming to behead the kid. Jesus then - rather than picking up the old ear and putting it on - formed a new one, this time without the ring. Jesus's healing of Malchus was the last miracle He performed before His crucifixion.
Now you know who Malchus is but why Malchus? Why is that the name of my blog?
In 1994 I was cast in the outdoor musical drama, The Promise. I was 16 and had varied experience in theater but this was a big deal to me. It was a five month commitment of my weekends and it was the first time I got paid for any sort of dramatic performance.
During rehearsals I thought for sure that my being cast had been a mistake. I remember watching the veterans of the show that I recognized from having seen it the prior season and I really felt in over my head. (This is similar to how I feel right now in Impact195.)
The director - the endlessly talented Michael Meece - had lined up all the new talent along the stage and was going down the line assigning bit parts to people. He got to me and I recall he raised his clipboard in front of his face and consulted with Wendy*, the wardrobe designer.
Finally the director pulled me aside and sent me to hang with the actors portraying Pharisees. In life this is a horrible place to be but on stage it was a bit of a featured role - a villain none the less!
After a few hours of rehearsal as a Pharisee the director then pulled me out of the group and put me back in the chorus. I thought I'd been found out as an amateur but he then explained that he had a special roll in mind for me.
I was to play Malchus - the servant of the high priest. He sent me back to wardrobe where Wendy measured me up for a new piece. I was the first person to play Malchus in the 6 year history of The Promise. Up to that point they'd had the part portrayed by an anonymous Roman soldier which was neither biblically nor historically correct.
I played Malchus that year and most of the next in Glen Rose. I also portrayed Malchus in Branson, Missouri and for the second tour of The Promise in Moscow, Russia. The Promise was simultaneously the beginning of my professional career and a calling in my life to express God's salvation.
In 1998 when I discovered how to purchase domain names I had no second thought to what my site should be. Of course the .com was taken but Malchus.net was available! It has been my domain since and my email address has been Benjamin@ ever since too.
I hope this answers the questions as to why this site, now a blog, is set at Malchus.net. In 2005 when I was faced with the possibility of going to the middle east to make what would become my documentary, A Journey To Iraq, I used the domain as a hub to keep informed those who supported me in prayer and financially.
And now you know the rest of the story.
* "Wendy the witty wild wacky wonderful wardrobe woman"
Malchus is the name identified in the gospel of John as the servant of the high priest whose ear was cut off by Simon-Peter in the garden during Jesus's arrest. The gospels indicate that Jesus then healed Malchus's ear rather than put the old one back on. John also specifies that it was Malchus's right ear that was severed.
Why is this important? Malchus was a servant of the high priest, Ciaphus. The tradition of the day would have dictated that Malchus have a ring through his right earlobe.
At the beginning of his servitude to the high priest an awl would have been used on his ear against the doorpost of the high priest's house. Once pierced, a ring of metal - possibly gold - was put through the hole and fused together by heat. Malchus was a servant of the high priest for life.
When Peter cut off the servant's ear he essentially severed the symbol of Malchus's servitude to the high priest. Peter was more likely aiming to behead the kid. Jesus then - rather than picking up the old ear and putting it on - formed a new one, this time without the ring. Jesus's healing of Malchus was the last miracle He performed before His crucifixion.
Now you know who Malchus is but why Malchus? Why is that the name of my blog?
In 1994 I was cast in the outdoor musical drama, The Promise. I was 16 and had varied experience in theater but this was a big deal to me. It was a five month commitment of my weekends and it was the first time I got paid for any sort of dramatic performance.
During rehearsals I thought for sure that my being cast had been a mistake. I remember watching the veterans of the show that I recognized from having seen it the prior season and I really felt in over my head. (This is similar to how I feel right now in Impact195.)
The director - the endlessly talented Michael Meece - had lined up all the new talent along the stage and was going down the line assigning bit parts to people. He got to me and I recall he raised his clipboard in front of his face and consulted with Wendy*, the wardrobe designer.
Finally the director pulled me aside and sent me to hang with the actors portraying Pharisees. In life this is a horrible place to be but on stage it was a bit of a featured role - a villain none the less!
After a few hours of rehearsal as a Pharisee the director then pulled me out of the group and put me back in the chorus. I thought I'd been found out as an amateur but he then explained that he had a special roll in mind for me.
I was to play Malchus - the servant of the high priest. He sent me back to wardrobe where Wendy measured me up for a new piece. I was the first person to play Malchus in the 6 year history of The Promise. Up to that point they'd had the part portrayed by an anonymous Roman soldier which was neither biblically nor historically correct.
I played Malchus that year and most of the next in Glen Rose. I also portrayed Malchus in Branson, Missouri and for the second tour of The Promise in Moscow, Russia. The Promise was simultaneously the beginning of my professional career and a calling in my life to express God's salvation.
In 1998 when I discovered how to purchase domain names I had no second thought to what my site should be. Of course the .com was taken but Malchus.net was available! It has been my domain since and my email address has been Benjamin@ ever since too.
I hope this answers the questions as to why this site, now a blog, is set at Malchus.net. In 2005 when I was faced with the possibility of going to the middle east to make what would become my documentary, A Journey To Iraq, I used the domain as a hub to keep informed those who supported me in prayer and financially.
And now you know the rest of the story.
* "Wendy the witty wild wacky wonderful wardrobe woman"
Wilderness Trip
This weekend begins Wilderness Trip with Impact. It's five days, six nights of hiking, prayer and getting close to God.
During the trip we will not be allowed our cell phones or any contact with the outside world. We will make camp at a new site every night, walking a total of approximately 29 miles in five days.
The entire experience is on Catalina Island - a phrase that stuck with me..."Beyond Avalon". We will only be in town on the way in and on the way out of the journey.
I'm excited to go on this trip though I haven't most of the things on the list needed. Fortunately I've got a couple days to scrounge around for supplies I can borrow from veterans of Impact195.
I particularly look forward to the solo day where we are sent out by ourselves for the day to pray, study our bible and meditate on the Lord.
Next week I'll be out of contact while on the island. Saturday to the following Friday. Awesome sauce.
Check out the Checklist. I don't even know what all this is!
During the trip we will not be allowed our cell phones or any contact with the outside world. We will make camp at a new site every night, walking a total of approximately 29 miles in five days.
The entire experience is on Catalina Island - a phrase that stuck with me..."Beyond Avalon". We will only be in town on the way in and on the way out of the journey.
I'm excited to go on this trip though I haven't most of the things on the list needed. Fortunately I've got a couple days to scrounge around for supplies I can borrow from veterans of Impact195.
I particularly look forward to the solo day where we are sent out by ourselves for the day to pray, study our bible and meditate on the Lord.
Next week I'll be out of contact while on the island. Saturday to the following Friday. Awesome sauce.
Check out the Checklist. I don't even know what all this is!
Original Message
The following is the content from Malchus.net before it was a blog about my experience in Impact195. The page I wrote and distributed before I was accepted into the program when I first acted on faith that God was calling me to this program. I post it here so that we can revisit it and see where this journey began:
Well, He got me.
As much as I was trying to do things my way, God finally put an end to my foolishness and it's time to fess up.
I've been running, avoiding, living in my own head, intellectually working out what I've thought was the best, most reasonable approach to life. Of course that isn't working out.
What happened to the TV show? Well, it - like everything not committed to God - is torment. I'd spent two and a half years working on this show and when it was all said and done the window of opportunity to do things with wisdom had passed us by and now the show is at the mercy of the system. No longer in the hands of intellect, but chance. It will not air in 2011, and my faith that things will work out for it in 2012 is minimal. I don't have faith in man. If I were going to, I'd have faith in me.
I am, like all men, flawed. Most of what I've worked for, not just in the past couple years, but my whole life, has all led up to....nothing. I've got nothing to show for it all. Some unique yet worldly experiences. The whole time I thought I knew what was right for me, and did not consider what the Lord's will was for my life.
I was in San Diego in July and was introduced to Impact195, a ministry of The Rock church. At first I had little interest in Impact195, though I knew God had already been working on me to give some things up to him. I met a 'graduate' of Impact195, Darah Wilson. She said to me that I would be blessed for being at their closing night of worship and testimony. I didn't anticipate how much of a blessing it would be. She was right! Every speaker stood up and talked about their own sin, their own arrogance, head-strongness, blocks, issues. Every person I heard speak that night was speaking directly to me. I have problems. I have those problems.
At first Impact195 seemed like a big commitment, but as I've been praying, reading the bible, and even fasting along with The Rock, I know that the Lord has put this program on my heart. The discipline, the 20 hours a week commitment - these are not things I want to do in and of themselves. What I want is to follow God's will. But how do I know what that is?
Impact 195 is the equivalent of 40 years of Sunday morning church concentrated into 9 months. It's not just a bible study program, though. It's a get-up-and-apply-what-you've-learned program. That's what I need. Not just to learn. I learn plenty well. I need to start living. I need to have faith in the Lord and live the way He wants me to so that I can serve Him and fulfill what He created me for.
As of today - Saturday, August, 27, 2011 - I have approximately a week to prepare to leave for San Diego. Impact195 starts September 6. I have no ability to take care of a lot of the things that are keeping me from Impact195 but isn't that a great place to be? Somewhere God is calling you to go and no ability to get there? It must be Him to do it, and quite possible He may want to provide through you.
I'm not good at asking for money. In fact, I hate it. Maybe pride, or maybe it's just leechy. I'm asking for you to pray and see what God puts on your heart. It might be a donation to this task, or it might be some other unique way you may be able to help. The obstacles are listed on the right. Read up on what separates me from this life-changing bible study, pray about it and then - like I so long to do - take action! Do something!
Thank you for praying for me. Please continue to do so. I know that the Lord will bless your for your obedience in a greater way than I've experienced so far from my simple, disciplined obedience of late. Hold me accountable for seeking and following God's path for my life.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
In the Brotel.
Well, here I am. Finally laying in my bunk for a year. In a room with two other guys.
This is way outside of my comfort zone but I'll learn to love it I'm sure.
There are seven guys in this house, all at various stages of Impact195. Caleb, whose house it is, bunks above me. He is a graduate of the program.
So I'm the freshman. Not used to that. This makes me want to quit but I'm being grateful and accepting whatever happens. Things could be worse.
This will become home, of sorts. I just hope they have earplugs. For their sake.
This is way outside of my comfort zone but I'll learn to love it I'm sure.
There are seven guys in this house, all at various stages of Impact195. Caleb, whose house it is, bunks above me. He is a graduate of the program.
So I'm the freshman. Not used to that. This makes me want to quit but I'm being grateful and accepting whatever happens. Things could be worse.
This will become home, of sorts. I just hope they have earplugs. For their sake.
First Fruits
Before anything else, I want to dedicate this experience, this blog - entirely to The Lord - God - Creator of all things. He has done an amazing transformational work in my life, and I want to praise Him for all time with the first fruits of my labors. The first of anything and everything I do must be to Him and to Testify to His TRUTH and glory.
I'm sure not all things on this blog will be about God but it's important - to me - to put Him first, right up front. So that I - the writer - and you - the reader - know the starting point of all things.
Joshua 3:5 - Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."[NIV]
That's what I want. I want to see God do amazing things around me, to me, and to the people around me. I already see this happening four days into my first term at Impact 195. It's not been easy - in fact this has already been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Without a doubt, though, it has been the most rewarding week internally.
The past is prologue. If you don't already know how I got to San Diego, and what I'm doing here there perhaps I can tell you. Perhaps I'll write about it later. But for now - here I am, ready and willing to be used by the Lord for His purpose.
His Will is all that matters. That I seek His Will. His Will for my life does not, and cannot differ from His Will for your life, or anyone else's life. Because God has One Will that He put to us in His Word, and through His Word we seek Him, to be obedient. The short of it - that is where I am at, and what I am doing. His Will by studying His Word, holding it close not just in knowing - I already knew a lot - but also in understanding.
Practical housekeeping: He made the way for me to come to San Diego, and He is providing for me - a place to stay and I expect a job to do. I've already picked up some bit video work with a ministry. Check out Kevin Conover's website. It's not a lot but I am happy to help him make some videos, and happy that the Lord is using my skills and talents to deepen understanding of His Word. I do need a job. That's a prayer request, and though I have a hard time saying it - please consider giving to this season in my life. This year of study and growth in God so that when finished I will know, without a doubt, what His purpose is for me in Him.
I'm sure not all things on this blog will be about God but it's important - to me - to put Him first, right up front. So that I - the writer - and you - the reader - know the starting point of all things.
Joshua 3:5 - Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."[NIV]
That's what I want. I want to see God do amazing things around me, to me, and to the people around me. I already see this happening four days into my first term at Impact 195. It's not been easy - in fact this has already been one of the most challenging experiences of my life. Without a doubt, though, it has been the most rewarding week internally.
The past is prologue. If you don't already know how I got to San Diego, and what I'm doing here there perhaps I can tell you. Perhaps I'll write about it later. But for now - here I am, ready and willing to be used by the Lord for His purpose.
His Will is all that matters. That I seek His Will. His Will for my life does not, and cannot differ from His Will for your life, or anyone else's life. Because God has One Will that He put to us in His Word, and through His Word we seek Him, to be obedient. The short of it - that is where I am at, and what I am doing. His Will by studying His Word, holding it close not just in knowing - I already knew a lot - but also in understanding.
Practical housekeeping: He made the way for me to come to San Diego, and He is providing for me - a place to stay and I expect a job to do. I've already picked up some bit video work with a ministry. Check out Kevin Conover's website. It's not a lot but I am happy to help him make some videos, and happy that the Lord is using my skills and talents to deepen understanding of His Word. I do need a job. That's a prayer request, and though I have a hard time saying it - please consider giving to this season in my life. This year of study and growth in God so that when finished I will know, without a doubt, what His purpose is for me in Him.
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